The Shitting Forecast

The Shitting Forecast

The Shitting Forecast issued by the foreign orifice
at 0830 on Tuesday 09 August 2005

There are warnings of gales in North Gutsire, South Gutsire,
after too much French food, Lundy.

The general gastro-synopsis at 0100:

French Bight, Ouefs et Fromage.
Moving steadily south
losing its identity.
Expect Rockall by 0800 tomorrow.

The Colonic forecast for the next 24 hours:

Malin, Illeum, Sigmoid Colon.
South, backing up Fastnet
of fibre. 20 grams/day, falling.

Shannon, Sole Waitress.
French poor. Encouraged
courses, 5 to 6. Filling.

Smoking, Wining, Saw a Viking:
Becoming delusional
in patches.

Hebrides, Zebidee.
Rhyming, turning poor.
Time for Bedrides.
Writing

Doggerall, Unpaid Bill, Gendarmes.
Irish stew in the name of the lieu.
Milligan rising. Veering Forties.

Chrones, Farty.
Becoming bloated.
5 to 7 in the morning.
Anal retention. Pain later.

Humble.
Pie 8. Foggy blanks.
Turning Wight.
Moving rather quickly.

Dover Basin.
Regurgitation. Mist.
Fair Isle poorly.
Later, 3 or 4 washes.
Decreasing. Fitzroy.

Bowel, Dismay, Forth Time.
Occasionally windy.
Straining.
Bad.

Outlook: Unsettled.