That One Phone Call

By God'sPoeticChild

Thu, 10 Jul 2014
  • 798 reads
2 comments
 

I called you a day ago. 

When I was outside lonely and crying. 

You said you weren't in the mood to talk to anyone. 

Which means you weren't in the mood to talk to me. 

You didn't know that I was crying. 

But, if I told you then you probably still would not talk to me.

I needed that one friend to talk to at the moment. 

You still blew me off because "You weren't in the mood"

That sounds like bullshit to me. 

Did you even think of asking if I was okay. 

I'm sure you didn't think about that. 

Because "You weren't in the mood" to talk on the phone. 

I was mad and angry. 

I wanted to curse you out. 

But, I holded my feelings in because, "I wasn't in the mood either"

You're supposed to be that one friend/sister to call when ever I feel down. 

But, I guess not because "You weren't in the mood" to talk on the phone.

No! 

You just wasn't in the mood to talk to me. 

 

Certificate U
Poem
Starting of a New Fix Up
Young Writers

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

Feelings and sentiments powerfully expressed in this really neat poem.  I think that you have used the repetion of 'you weren't in the mood' to very great effect.  Well done to keep with that theme and trend, that show confidence and conviction in your writing style.  Just a couple of points if I may?

In the seventh line I stuttered a bit when you used 'the' moment rather than 'that' moment.

In the fifth to last line I think that "But I held my feelings" would be better than "I holded my feelings"

Remember this is just my subjective opinion and not a harsh criticism of your already good poem.  Keep going.

 

Submitted by God'sPoeticChild on

Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate it. I understand where you're coming from. I read over my poem and it does sound better when you switch around the words. Sometimes my wording could be a little off. Thanks a lot. :)  

God's Poetic Child

http://thepoeticchild.wordpress.com