Emergency locksmith

I'm the 4th emergency service. Fire, ambulance, police, and me. The emergency locksmith.

I'm on call 24/7. Except on my days off, obviously, and depending which shift I'm on, usually 9 to 7. I only cover nights if no-one else is available. Members of the 4th emergency service have a right to a life outside work you know.

Not everyone likes me using the term '4th emergency service'. I've had ambulance staff disagree with me, saying that they save lives whilst I just open doors. Okay, I don't save lives, but I've never claimed I did. But I do help people out in emergencies. Take today, this morning I helped an old lady who'd locked herself out of her own house, and a couple who'd lost their car keys. I fixed that, no problem, that's what I do. Without me they'd have been stranded, and the old woman would effectively been homeless, sleeping in the streets. Now I'd say that was pretty important work.

So I took his trousers. The ambulance driver, the one who was so sneering about my job. I happened to know where he lived, so when he was out at work I broke into his house and stole all of his trousers. Not the ones he was wearing, obviously, but the rest that were in his wardrobe.  That's what I can do. My superpower if you like. I can break into anywhere, anytime.

Not that I'm a bad man. I'm not a thief. I gave the trousers to a charity shop. You should never throw away clothing, it's a completely unnecessary burden on landfill. This world is the only one we have and it's our responsibility to look after it.

It was just a joke. It didn't do any harm. He had the keks he was wearing. It's not as if I left him without any.

I hate readers who get judgemental. Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same in my shoes, you weren't there.

You've no right to judge me. I am the 4th emergency service after all. Without me the world would be in chaos, people unable to get in their cars, people unable to open their front doors. Anarchy.

I'd watch what you think if I were you. You think you're safe, sitting there on the other side of the screen, judging away to your heart's content. But suppose I knew where you lived, suppose I knew someone at abctales and could access your account details. Just suppose. Well, you know what I do, you know my super power, I'd have no problem breaking in to your house.

And with you, I wouldn't stop with your trousers. I'd have your pants, shirts, even your winter woolies. You judgemental bastard.

Then where would you be? You'd be nude. Completely naked.

No, if I were you I'd show more respect for the 4th emergency service. After all, you never know when you might need us.