Improv workshop

“Sir Keith, we’ve arranged for you to take an improv workshop,” said Davey, his Parliamentary Assistant.

“An improv workshop? But I’m leader of the opposition, not a comedian.”

“We just think you need to learn to be more flexible on your feet in interviews,” said Hurst, his Director of communications.  “You can come across as a bit robotic in interviews, just repeating stock phrases.”

“It’s important to get our key messages across,” said Sir Keith.

“Our key messages, yes, not stock phrases and bland generalisms.”

“Don’t worry,” said Davey, “You won’t have to meet the general public. This is a private session and the tutor is one of the best in the business, and a life-long Labour supporter.”

“A leftie? I don’t want to spend time with a leftie comedian.”

“Don’t worry, he’s one of Team Keith, Labour in name only. Ah, this is him now. Sir Keith, this is Gladstone. He’ll be running the session.”

“Nice to meet you Sir Keith. I’m a big fan.   I’m just going to run through a few exercises. I run this course three times a week, so just relax.”

“Don’t worry, Sir Keith,” said Davey. “I’ll be here to help out.”

“Right, the first situation. Imagine you’re in a paddle boat on the council duck pond.”

“We’re listening,” said Sir Keith.

“Yes, say something specific to the situation. You’re on the paddle boat, and suddenly a pirate ship sails up to you and the pirate leader tries to board your boat. What do you say, Sir Keith?”

“It’s time for responsible government,” said Sir Keith.

“Something specific to the situation.  You play the pirate Davey.”

“Aha, jim lad, shiver me timbers.  Surrender your ship.”

“We’re about deliverable policies, not empty promises,” said Sir Keith.

“I’m giving you a choice cur, you can join my crew as a pirate understudy, or you can walk the plank.”

“Responsible government, financial restraint, we’re still listening.”

Gladstone interrupted.

“Very good Sir Keith, but still a bit off-situation. Let’s try a different set up. You’ll like this one – you’re leader of the opposition and an election is called. You’re giving an interview and you’re asked to outline your core three policies. Not soundbites, the chance to actual explain what you stand for.”

“Aha, jim lad, shiver me timbers. Let’s seize control of this pond and sell the ducks for doublons.”