Running, Jumping, Standing Still

And we come to the main event of the Running, Jumping Standing Still Olympics, the ten-minute standing still.

Yes John, there's no greater physical feat than standing stock still for ten minutes and the opening heat is between two of the greatest, the Puerto Rican Jeffreys and the Inuit Hanley.

Yes, although the athletes gain points for standing still, at this level of the sport, it's about restraining every muscle, no face-twitches, no blinking, not so much as a silent fart. 

We're five minutes into this round, and already it's exactly the high level contest we expected. Let's look at some of the highlights.

Yes, this clip shows the Puerto Rican athlete doing absolutely nothing whatsoever. No foot movement, as you'd expect, but look at the close up of his face, not so much as a blink. 

The Puerto Rican is raking in the points, no movement at all from him. Even more remarkably, the brain scans show that he's not even thinking. He's completely blanked his mind, he's in that state of total mental emptiness known in the sport as 'Brexit voter'. 

Yes, the Inuit was the favourite for this round, but everything has gone for him, we've had brain activity, tussled hair blowing in the breeze and, well let's look at this, can we call it a twitch?

I'd say that was a smile. Breaking into a smile in the middle of a standing-still heat, he lost a lot of points for that and his chances now are minimal.

Yes, the Puerto Rican is doing absolutely nothing here, which is all he needs to do.

But wait, what's this. The Inuit has finished. Just six minutes and 34 seconds and he's finished his ten minute standing still.

That's amazing John, he's broken the record for the ten minute standing still by over three minutes.

The previous record holder was the Brazilian, Arthur Jennings, whose 9 minutes 58 seconds was attributed to a faulty Timex, but this is another league. 

Yes John, the Puerto Rican did well, even now he's standing there, doing nothing whatsoever, but who can possibly compete with an athlete who can complete the ten minute standing still in under seven minutes.

And with this record breaking bout of standing still, it's back to the main stadium for the finals of the 25 minutes jumping up and down.