The Non-Sensical Adventures of Scrump

It was a dark, grey, monday morning and Scrump stepped moodily on to the bus that would take him into the city.

He stod on the bus, taking in the sight of the other passengers.
A short, bespecaled man pressed the STOP button twice as he neared his stop.
Scrump made an irritsted noise and said:
"You've pressed it twice! You should only press it once."
The man looked at him, sighed, and pressed the STOP button again.
"NOW YOU'VE PRESSED IT THRICE!!!!" Scrump exploded.
"Hey, yo! Yo over there, drop that candy bar this instant! Kick it over here, I'm feelin' a bit drouzy and I need to ruff this guy up!"
He unwrapped the candy bar and licked it thrice.
"Take this! Biff! Buff! Baff!" Scrump scrumped.
"Are you actually going to hit me or just make noises?" He inquired.
"Biff! biff! biffe!"
"Thats actually really irritating!" He griped.
"Biffe Biffe, urgh!"
"Biff!" He retaliated.
"Biffe!"

The Bus driver shocked our two chums into stopping their punch-up by crashing his bus into a wall.
"i'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS RAUCOUS TOMFOOLERY!" the bus driver roared.

With an unearthly shriek, Scrump leaped on the bus driver and toar at his face hissing like a rabid snake. The half beaten-up passenger produced a sharpened candy-cane from his trench coat and stabbed at Scrump's leg.
Scrump lashed out with his other, his foot smashing into the passenger's face and leaving bloody stumps where his teeth were.

The passenger fled to the back of the bus screaming:
"Mercy, mercy! Mercy for me and for all!"
Scrump dropped the bus driver's carcass and roared: "Cease your gibberish!"
Scrump leaped out of the bus window and ran into a local niebourhood, brandishing a carving knife.
He started cxhopping off his fingers. He ate them one by one. He then walked into a newsagents and said these words.
"I'd like to buy a walnut whip."
There was noone at the counter.
"I WOULD LOVE TO BUY A WALNUT WHIP!"
Clark walked into the shop to the sound of a bell chiming.
"Hey Clark," Scrump scrumped, "Want a five pund note?"
"No, get away!" said Clark.
"Urgh!"
"Get away!"
"I suppose you've noticed my ragged look and the carving knife in my hand" Scrump said calmly.
"Yes I have, you scrawny swine!"
"Recieve solace in the fact that It isn't dripping with blood...yet"
"Rather smashing"
"Yes, Tis" Scrump agreed. He then began to roar the the song 'Over the sea to Skye' and ran out of the corner shop and into thee night.

TO BE CONTINUED