Blackbird Rapper – On Trial

All rise, and be up perched for the Right Honourable Owl Judge.

Yes, yes th…th…thank you k…k…k…ko…cock Robin; ple…ple…ple…plea…please call the first k…k…k…k…case.

Yes Your Honour. The first case is that of The Feathered Society verses the Blackbird named ‘Rapper’.

Wh…wha…wha…what’s the charge?

Purposely defecating on a human,

Ho…ho…ho…how does the de…de…def…defen…defendant plead, gu…gu…guilty or not gu…gu…gu…guilt…guilty?

I’s telling you straight, dis ain’t no game
I’s bin fitted up – bin put in de frame
When you hea’s what me sayin’, gonna clear me name
Cos I just thinkin’, dis a shit-load a shame;
Me Inno-CENT!

Wh…wha…wha…what did he...he…he…say?

Not guilty, Your Honour!

Is the pro…pro…pros…pros…prosse…prosse…prosecution ready; Ms. Stir…Stir…Stir…Starling?

Qui Hyour Honair, I am being zee reddy.

Wh…wha…wha…what did sh...sh…she…say?

Yes Your Honour; Ms Starling is French!

Oh F…F…Fu…Fuc…Fuc…Fuc…Fascinating!
Is the de…de…de…def…defuc…defuc…defense ready?

I’s stanin hea ready an hot to trot
Ain’t gonna holla fo no legal hot shot
My defense be tighter dan a little wren’s bot
Me be learnin dis game, like the sultan of swat
Counter-SHOT!

Wh…wha…wha…what did he...he…he…say?

Mr. Blackbird will be defending himself Your Honour!

Pro…pro…pro…proceed! Pro…pros…prosse…prosse…prosecution call your first we…we…wit…wit…wit…witness.

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Zee Prosecution calls zee Sargant Chump Magpie to zee witness perch.

Sargant Chump Magpie….

‘at would be Sergeant ‘Champ’ miss…

Ok,… Sargant Chumpmiss Magpie, can you exzplan to zee coart whey zee charage of defecation on zee human male, eeze brought aganzt Meestair Rappair?

Err, yea…well the rapper bird started divin’ from abou’ a hundrid feet an wen he was abou’ ten feet away ‘e lets go this massive ball o’ crap at the geezers’ ‘ead, dunnie!

Ow deed you know zat zee persones ead was zee intended tar-get?

Well, cos I clearly ‘eard him say; ‘I’m gonna to shit on your ‘ead’ as he was diving down, ditten I!

Your weetness Meestair Rappair….

You getz me cop, whatchya rappin ain’t right
Dis dude be perchin’ fifty yards outa sight
His feathers be de ony ting hea in black an white
An you de ony one hea dat be rappin bout shite

When I is in de air, I spies me some dinner
An if I getz down rapid, I’s gonna be a winner
An feelin real hunger don make me no sinner
I gots to eat soon cos my bod be gettin thinner

So me makes de decision an me makes de dive
I ain’t tryna hurt nobody, I just tryna keep alive
About ten feet out I hears dis screachin jive
An my bowels dey move but in, like overdrive

I ain’t plannin fo to lose all me shit in a mass
But I getz such a scare from dis evil harass
If it wassan fo dis cop I be landin in de grass
An not givin dat poor sucker all da contents of my ass

He says I be rappin ‘I be shittin on yo head’
But he is knowing real true dat, dat ain’t what I said
Cos truly I was callin outa apologies instead
Rappin, ‘sorry nice man fo be shittin on yo head’

It true at first he mad and he call me ‘black fuck’
Till I hit de ground like lightnin an I waddlin like a duck
In a thunderstorm, not knowin, just where I need to truck
Den he says it don matter an it probably for luck

So dare ain’t no crime to answer, cos they ain’t no crime
An Mista Chump de magpie wanna make me look slime
He jealous, an I getz dat; I’s a bad boi in my prime
Well betta luck, keep tryin, maybe you winin next time.
Next UP!

I…I…I…I’m not sure wh…wha…what you said yo..yo…young man but if I cou…cou…cou…could talk tha…tha…that fast, I…I…I…I could have been a Su…Su…Sup…Supreme cu…cu…cun…cun…court judge by na…na…now.

Don be worried bout it judge, I hea’ you loud an clear
You just tryin ta say the words ‘fore your brain in gear
But dat don’ mean dat you cant have a bad rap career
Get a rhythm to dat stutter an you be a pioneer;
No SHIT!

I could give you some lessons, cos I tink you got the style
Course if I is jailed fo crapping, den it could take awhile
An dat all just depens now on de outcome of dis trial
But I can tell ya dat de rappin really make de chicks smile;
Getz Me?

I…I…I like this young ba…boy
Though Go…Go…God knows what he’s rapping
Bu…But the words h…he deploys
May…May…May…Make my feet start tapping

CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES; CASE DISMISSED!