Canvassing!

Good evening sir, I’m from the Labour party

Labour? Thas anuvver word fa work innit?

Err…yes, I believe it is and very apt it is too, haha!

Why, wherejew work then?

Um…Westminster actually, I’m….

I worked in Westminster!

Really? How terribly interesting, what did you do there?

Putin’ inderr sewer pipes innee ‘ouses of parly-ment.

Gosh! That must have been some time back.

‘Bout ten year ago it were.

Wow! Interesting work, was it?

Yea, if yer inta turd watchin’.

Pardon? Did you say bird watching?

TURD! Turd-watchin’…ya know, SHIT!

Oh, err …right, I see.

I’ss amazin’ the different sizes ya know. Some of ‘em was loik fucking Salmon, then there was uvvers loik rabbit shit!

Err…really?

Yea…all diff’rent cullers as well! ‘ere I was surprised at the amount o’ Jonnies though.

Jonnies? Sorry, I’m not with you.

Ya know, JONNIES! Houdini bags! Pussy Submarines! Condoms!

Ohh, Condoms…Gosh, really?

Yea, there was more seamen in ‘at pipe ‘an ‘ere was at Dunkirk.

Goodness! Well fancy that.

No, notta lot! They musta bin screwin’ like Blackandecker in air!
An’ ‘hen there was ee uvver stuff; I never knew air waszat many wimin in-air.

Oh Gosh, is that the time; I’m sorry to cut you short but I really must be getting on.

Doncha wanna ‘ere about the rats; air was fousands of ‘em…huge buggers ‘ey was.

Oh God! Sorry I’m afraid I’m feeling a bit queasy; must be something I ate.

Well, if ya can’t be bovvered ta lissen, I don’t see why I should vote for ya.

I don’t care, really I don’t; vote for who you like.

Fair enuff! See ya den sunshine.

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To whom were you speaking dear?

Oh, just some chap from the Labour Party darling.

I do hope that you made our position clear Algernon or he will pass the message on to his supporters and they will have us annoyed; calling every five minutes. Really it’s just too much!

Oh I shouldn’t worry darling, I don’t think they will be bothering us again, at least not for this election.

I should jolly well hope not. Tell him to go and annoy the ‘Working Classes’, they love that sort of thing; I believe they actually think that it makes a difference…poor deluded souls!

Did you have the caviar delivered dear……..