Neighbours

Hello Mrs. Murray, how’s your old man john?
Not well? Oh, that’s a pity.
What seems to have gone wrong?

Trouble with the plumbing? What is it, flood or drought?
It’s bad when you can’t keep it in;
worse when it won’t come out!

How’s your sister, Vera? Is she up the stick again?
She wants to keep her drawers on
or should keep away from men.

Who is the father this time? Or is it a wild guess?
Tell her to buy a sex toy,
it would save her half the mess!

I bought me one for Christmas, it vibrates with a hum.
It’s great; no grunts or farting
and it always makes me cum!

Here did you hear the news; Tony Blair has got the sack?
It made ‘Fat’ Judy nervous;
her son’s out there in Iraq.

She said he was a Bastard, who couldn’t stay on track.
He won’t be here five minutes
when she wants to send him back

Mrs. Jackson’s jealous; it’s put her out of fettle.
She looks just like a Bulldog
that’s licked piss off a nettle!

She can’t bear people fussing, if she is not the cause.
When her old man was buried,
her act nearly drew applause.

I better hit the kitchen and start my old man’s tea
because today is payday;
I need shoes but nothing’s free!

I’ve had headaches all week long; I’ve kept him like a monk!
It could be grunt and fart night,
I just hope he ain’t too drunk.

Well, see you Mrs. Murray; I’ll talk to you again!
Hope your old man's waterworks
don’t cause YOU to much pain.