Perversely Grammatical

“That’ll be twenty pounds and one pence!”
“Pardon?”
“Gawd! I said, that’ll be twenty…”
“No! I heard what you said; it’s what you didn’t say that bothers me.”
“Do What?”
“Well you see, for a start it should be …and one penny!”
“Hey?”
“You should have requested, twenty Pounds and one PENNY.”
“I did!”
“No! You distinctly said; …and one PENCE.”
“Whassa difference?”
“Well, in monetary terms; nothing! However in grammatical
Terms; rather a lot actually”
“You takin’ the piss?”
“Let me explain; you were – while making your request – looking
Out through the front window, while scratching your left breast.”
“’Ere, you leave my tits outa this sunshine!”
“The name is Chris!”
“I don’t care if it’s fuckin’ Prince Charles; I ain’t looking for a date.
You some kinda Perv or somefing?”
“Not at all but if I had said; …while scratching your left BREASTS,
It would suggest that you had more than one and of course, you do not!”
“Are you saying I only got one tit, ya fuckin’ weirdo?”
“No! It’s blatantly obvious that you have two, however they
Are on different sides….”
“Well ‘course they’re on different sides; you fink they should
Be, one under the uvver? Where’d you come from; fuckin’ Mars?”
“No! No, goodness, I was just using the left one……”
“You ain’t using eever of ‘em! Go an’ buy a ‘Playboy’ an’ use ‘at!”
“You could also, say PLEASE!”
“Aright! PLEASE, go an’ buy a ‘Playboy’ an’ use ‘at!”
“I meant, when you were charging for the meat and veg!”
“My boyfriend will be ‘ere in a cupla minits an’ he’ll rip orf
Your meat and two veg and ram ‘em up your arsehole!
Now that’ll be twenty pounds and one PENCE; pay up!”
“Well, I shan’t be shopping here again!”
“Oh! There’s a fuckin’ heartbreak! Me an’ my left tit will
Never get over it!”
“Goodbye!”