A Rose?

I turned to you and thought here goes,
‘Shall I compare thee to a rose?’
You looked at me, like I had horns
‘YOU MEAN I’M FULL OF BLOODY THORNS?’

‘No, not at all I spluttered out
That’s SO much NOT what I’m about,
I meant; you’re fair and gay of scent…’
‘OH, RIGHT! I’M SMELLY AND I’M BENT?’

‘What...No, how can you think that way?
I meant a beauteous, sweet bouquet…’

‘BY THE WAY, THERE’S BEEN SO MANY,
NORMAL GUYS THAT SCREWED MY FANNY
AND NONE OF THEM THOUGHT I WAS QUEER;
THEY FILLED MY PUSSY, NOT MY EAR!’

I stood and looked at you in shock,
With open mouth and stiffened cock.
How could an angel, I implore
Become at once a common whore?
And as I stood with open mouth,
I noticed your eyes venture south

‘THAT’S QUITE A BULGE YOU’VE GOT DOWN THERE,
YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT FOR AIR!
ALL THAT TALK, - AND I’D HAVE A BET
WAS JUST A TRICK, TO GET ME WET!
THAT CRAP ABOUT ME BEING THORNY
SOMEHOW MADE ME VERY HORNY!

My dreams of courtship, I’ll admit
Had quickly, all but turned to shit.
My plans of dinner just for two
With candles flickering – as they do -
Were snuffed out like their feeble wick,
When you went grabbing for my prick.

‘DON’T JUST STAND THERE, LIKE A MORON,
DROP YOUR DRAWERS, SHOW ME THAT ‘HARDON’
I MUST ADMIT, I’M GAGGING NOW
LET’S HAVE A SHAG BEFORE THE CHOW.

Well, I quite lost my appetite;
No longer now the shining knight,
Gallant and brave on dashing steed;
I felt my ardour fast recede.
As you noticed my deflation
I felt you, in your frustration,
Tense in wonder; what had gone wrong
‘HERE! WHERE THE FUCK’S YOUR MICKY GONE?’

‘It’s nothing got to do with you
I think I’m coming down with flu
The pollen count is at its height
It happens on a winter’s night!’

I thought my plan dead at hatching
Until you asked, ‘IS IT CATCHING?
‘Oh yes’, I coughed to emphasize
‘It kills off sex and blinds your eyes!’

‘FUCK ME GENTLY! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID
WITHOUT ME FANNY, I’D BE DEAD.
AND I AM RIGHTLY UP THE CREEK
IF I CAN’T GET FIVE KNOBS A WEEK!’

I nearly asked you, why not six
Or seven even, just for kicks?
Were you religious or a ‘Toff’
Or did you take the weekends off?

But my relief replaced my pain
Although I thought it best to feign
A hurt that was of course, not there,
In case you changed your mind, you mare!

I’M GOING NOW AND DON’T BE SAD.
I KNOW YOU MUST BE FEELING BAD
COS NEARLY ALL THE GUYS ROUND HERE
SAY I COULD FUCK FOR A CAREER.

I stood there and bid ‘au revoir’

‘YOUR GERMAN’S so GOOD, YOU’RE A STAR!

Huh??!! ;)