The Sauna

Let’s hit the sauna

No.

Come on, you’ll enjoy it.

No, I won’t

How do you know?

I just know!

Have you ever had one?

No.

Well, how do you know then?

I’ve never rammed a pineapple up my arse either but I instinctively know that I wouldn’t like it.

It’s good for you, brings all the poison out.

Cool, I’ll buy one on the way home, along with some lubricating gel.

Here, get your shorts off, grab a towel and come with me.

Sounds like one of Elton John’s chat-up lines.

Come on, don’t be a pussy!

Sounds like another one!

Fuck sake! It’ll stop you smelling.

I smell?

Yeah!

Fuck off!

--------------------------

How long do you stay in here?

About twenty minutes usually.

There’ll be nothing left of me after twenty minutes.

Rubbish, you’ll be like a new man.

Yea but my clothes won’t fit me.

You’ll feel fresher and cleaner than you ever have.

I feel dizzy!

Take a deep breath.

Arrrghhh!

What’s up?

It’s…it’s like sucking on a fucking blowtorch.

Throw some water on the stones.

I can see how that might cool down my bollocks but how will that help my lungs?

Not your stones, the one’s in the grate.

My arse is sweating.

That’s a good thing; it’ll be as clean as a whistle.

I prefer ‘Andrex’ and I wasn’t planning on whistling through my arse.

Well you do a good enough job on talking out of it.

Very funny, I’m out of here!

Ok, ok, come on then, we have to walk through this shower. It’s a little bit….

Arrrgggaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

…cold.