Illusions of Truth

This girl worked at reception night duty, phoned her often late at night in the early hours, many times from Joburg to visit her at the hospital, 'till one day she just slammed down the phone mid-sentence. Later told me someone just collapsed stone dead there at reception.

I was very scared to call again even bought a cigar of R2000 for the occasion, you know as Churchill said, but she was again so nice I felt great. Even with the cigar as well. As Churchill “a woman is just a woman but a good cigar is a smoke”.

I couldn't see her any-more.

Only later did I realise this romance business was probably not allowed by hospital rules, and she was dependent on the pittance. Rules are rules.

~

May be an illusion but I do not want any other girl that I knew before, from those days and school or anywhere, did my very best to think and remember. Not one. And even less than any there could be. I am a one woman man. An illusion could be truth. No-one gave me a chance only closest friends. She's much too beautiful in any-case. She is the first prize. I play to win.

Dreams and dreams of loss and great sadness, she had just completely disappeared, vanished like smoke and mist on the water as if she never was. Reception was now dead quiet abandoned alone the phone just rang. Half awake was I with all those haunting nightmares, of emptiness and void. Ghostly in immensity, the vastness of space.

Often and just before I wake, then being so relieved it is not so. Dreaming thus these days, and also about friends and people I knew, all kinds of dreams about people. I've been keeping notes. Anybody. Everybody. Namit. Loved and hated. All kinds. And writing exams no idea what subject where or and or when. No time table. Driving a car blind in the dark and without brakes.

~

I will wait it would take incredible courage from her. Of course it helps to know otherwise, I'm too young to die. Life is a journey not a destination. I am strong and filled with faith, with great courage. She is there, I wait patiently. Time is slipping away.

My brother does his best with the cooking and household not that I don't appreciate. He does well I think, simple but tasty healthy and filling. We could do with a woman's touch here. Ladies. If unsure go for hard to get! Can't go wrong. Ask me. Or try to think about what all you can do to improve him. Make a (secret) complete and detailed list with cost estimates.

In general, be resolute and merciless. Wipe out all competition and all opposition. All is fair in love and war.

Don't worry be happy. Don't think on, am I good enough? Rather of, is he good enough? Probably not.