What's up dude?

When Ted got back from the factory he found his wife on the sofa in a very nervous state, “What’s for dinner love? “Ted. I’ve got news.” “Hell that sounds bad”. I was at the doctor – you know...”
“And?? “I’m three months!” “Hell and now?”

There was a knock at the door Ted opened. A man in overalls with a clipboard. “You’re due!!” “How the hell do YOU know?! “It says so, right on this paper. “And what are you going to do about it??” “I’m going to cut you off! “And my wife?” “She can use a candle for the meantime”.
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My nephew watched movie with his aunt, didn't understand much but one scene made a big impression. Back home he said to his little girl friend “I want what I want when I want it!” she answered “You'll get what I got when I get it!” Sad story.
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One friend watches their wedding videos every saturday afternoon. He says he watches them backwards he always cries at the part where he gives his wife back to her father.

This dude was at the hair salon. He was cleaning his glasses when the girl hit him over the head with a bottle she ran out shouting “Help Help!”
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The ?Lone Ranger got off his horse to do a quick Nr.1 and got bitten by a snake right on the pecker. “Tronto! Find a doctor!” at which his sidekick galloped away.

The doctor did have advice. He explained a procedure by which the venom may be extracted by an incision joining the snake bite fangs' marks and physically sucking out the infected blood. With Tronto galloping back the Lone Ranger shouted “What did the doctor say dude!?”
“He said you're Gonna Die!”
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A missionary fell in the hands of a savage tribe of amazon indians in a deep tropical forest. He was put into a huge cauldron cannibals danced around it boiling over flames and smoke. Angry for him grinning so the chief demanded why, the missionary answered “I'm peeing in your pot!”

Situation? What situation?
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With the stars and the moon awake late at night, for long alone in bed I wonder “Why?” Then suddenly it strikes me “I don't have a clue”. Forget it go to sleep. And sometimes when I can't sleep when I think, “Why ?” I turn over and occurs to me “Why What?”