No Country for Cold Men
By Turlough
- 973 reads
No Country for Cold Men
Bulgaria’s hot and our soil’s bone dry
Bulgaria’s hot, it’s the new Dubai
Bulgaria’s hot like a half-time pie
Step outside and you’ll air fry
A hotter month we’ve never seen
Since Methuselah’s grandad turned sixteen
Sun burns us like Madras cuisine
Flambéed in Persia’s best benzene
As hot as landing on the sun
As hot as Suzi Quatro’s bum
As hot as any hot cross bun
As hot as toast that’s overdone
In heat like this we haven’t a care
About discarding all our underwear
We’ve got a permit from the mayor
So we can shop completely bare
This heat could grill your prize courgette
This heat could light a cigarette
This heat could make Prince Andrew sweat
This heat is heat I won’t forget
Our neighbours just don’t understand
These summers are normal in their land
We can barely breathe or sleep or stand
Such punishing times for an eccrine gland
So hot it renders body fat
So hot we had to shave the cat
So hot I’m sitting in a vat
Of ice cream looking like a prat
We joke but really it’s far from good
As wildfires rage through fields and woods
Torching towns and neighbourhoods
Not recovered yet from April’s floods
We’re hoping for ten less degrees
We’re hoping for a soothing breeze
We’re wishing those heat indices
Could be like what they get in Leeds
On days when sunshine boils my brain
The gypsies sing and drink champagne
I love this place, here I’ll remain
As long as tonight we have some rain
Image:
An hour later our thermometer melted and ran underneath the fridge.
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Comments
I think I'll keep away from
I think I'll keep away from your heat - not that I have any alternative!
My mind went to how the cat's fur and a little light clothing actually are better than none in the heat, it is said! Rhiannon
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What you need is another
What you need is another fridge which is solely for you and P to sit in.
If it's always been this way in Bulgaria, I wonder if traditional architecture helped at all, or if it was all destroyed in the soviet years? For example in Malta the traditional way of building a house is to have an inner courtyard - like an outside inside your house with lots of trees and plants growing there. It makes the house much cooler naturally (hope that makes sense).
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Ah yes, I imagine the
Ah yes, I imagine the architecture is very similar to North Africa - it's great until there's a massive thunderstorm, then the outside staircase is a little treacherous!
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I bet Priyatelkata's wishing
I bet Priyatelkata's wishing Autumn would come quick. As you know I absolutely detest the strong heat, so know exactly how she feels.
You've managed to keep great rhythm and rhyme going in this poem Turlough, something I'm not very good at these days, so well done.
Jenny.
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Scotland basks in 15 degrees.
Scotland basks in 15 degrees. That's enough to make you sneeze. Bulgaria, we do not understand, why your land is so hot. We'd welcome a change. A twinning. A little warmth. But our summer is done. We'll just wait for another one.
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I was working today in
I was working today in Dulwich Gallery sneezing through the air con. Then shift over, a wall of heat (cool by your standards, probably around the 30c mark) but not pleasant waiting for a lift home. I don't remember minding the heat in Malaysia when I was younger, but I couldn't do it now. However, as I've learned through your regular weather and other updates, Bulgaria has many advantages though right now all I'm missing is the sea. A gallery visitor I met today was originally from Brighton and we seriously considered getting the next coastal-bound train...
Sorry, I digress. Good poem x
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As CM said, Summer up here
As CM said, Summer up here has been and gone. Not sure more than 2 weeks of days with any sunshine, where we live. But your poem makes me grateful not to be somewhere more meteorologically exuberant! I do hope you get your rainy coolness by bed time. Insert's question about traditional architecture reminded me about about a program which had wind catchers in Iran? (sort of like tall chimneys with gills at the top) Did you see any, when you were there? Could you (when not hot) maybe build one, for your house?
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I'm sorry, I forgot about you
I'm sorry, I forgot about you discussing wind catchers. Should have known, with your inquiring mind, that you would know about them! September is a long wait for rain. I hope you, P, all your animals and your poor, battered garden, get through
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Bulgaria certainly seems to
Bulgaria certainly seems to give you variety, what with the storms you had a little while ago, and a possibly gruelling winter ahead. I would be in that fridge pretty much 24/7 as I share Jenny's feelings about the heat! Here in the UK of course we're still insisting on building houses that won't be at all suitable as the climate warms up, but maybe the house-builders and the air conditioner manufacturers are in cahoots to ensure we all have to buy expensive kit just to survive the year.
Hot summers make conspiracy theorists of us all...
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"This heat could make Prince
"This heat could make Prince Andrew sweat.." Yikes...that IS hot!
We are about to get the remnants of Hurricane Ernesto here. Temp is 20Cish. That's what you get for living on a wet and windy island.
"Bulgaria’s hot like a half-time pie". I hope that's a balti pie.
Refering to Suzi Quatro's bum probably dates you a bit. Devil Gate Drive and all that.
An entertaining poetic insight into the inferno of Bulgaria's summer weather.
I hope you get some relief from it all soon.
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You're getting hot!
Warm Warmer, you're getting Hot! 43C. When I was in school Suzi Quattro was every boy's wet dream,
Cheers!
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