A Bear In Love

“Well I never”, said Edwina Bear, looking through the showbiz section of her daily newspaper.

“Well you never what?”, asked Edward, her husband, reading the sports section.

“Oh, it’s nothing”, said Edwina, smiling, “It’s just a bear that I went to school with. He used to have a terrible crush on me, I remember. Apparently, he’s become a very big name in the movie business. A big Hollywood film star. He wasn’t that handsome when I knew him but he seems very handsome now”.

“Oh well. He’s probably had plastic surgery. They all have plastic surgery these days”, said Edward, pretending not to be interested.

“You’re not jealous are you?”, asked Edwina with a little sly grin.

“Jealous, ofcourse not”, said Edward, scoffing, “I mean. What’s he got that I haven’t got?”.

“Well, he’s got a big mansion in Hollywood, apparently, with a swimming pool…oh, I’ve always wanted to have one of those”, said his wife, all dreamy eyed.

“Swimming pool?”, said her husband, disapprovingly, “What’s wrong with going to the public swimming baths like everyone else? Swimming pool in your back garden? That’s just a lot of showing off if you ask me”.

But then the phone rang in the hallway and Edwina got up and went to answer it and suddenly Edward heard her voice go all girlish and giggly.

“Oh your private jet”, she was saying, “I’d love to go with you and you’ll be coming round in your stretched limousine to pick me up. Oh, I can’t wait”.

Then he heard her put down the phone and the next minute Edwina came back into the kitchen smiling and looking all excited.

“Who was that?”, asked Edward, bewildered, “Who do we know that has a private jet and stretched limousine?”.

“Oh that was the bear I was telling you about”, said Edwina, giggling again, “He says that he still has a crush on me; that he’s carried a torch for me all these years and that he’s coming here in his limousine to see me. He says he wants to whisk me away in his private jet to live with him in his
big Hollywood mansion”.

“What!”, asked Edward Bear, panicking, “Well, he can’t do that. I won’t let him. I’ll bar the door. I’ll block the driveway. I’ll stop him”.

“What if I want to go away with him? After all, he IS rich and handsome too”, asked Edwina.

“But you can’t leave me”, said Edward, desperately,rushing from his seat and sinking to his furry bear knees, clasping his wife’s paw tightly, “I love you and I’ll do anything you want, anything. I’ll get you a swimming pool. An Olympic sized one if it’ll make you happy. Just don’t leave me”.

“Don’t worry”, said Edwina, chuckling and stroking her husband’s furry head affectionately, “I’m not going to leave you. Besides which, it wasn’t him on the phone. It was my mother. She wants to know if we can come round for tea next Wednesday”.

“Oh”, said her husband, shaking his head, “Next Wednesday. We can’t”.

“Why not?”, asked Edwina, annoyed.

“Because”, said her husband, beaming and kissing his wife’s furry face, “We’ll be on a romantic holiday for two, in Hollywood, just me and you”.