J -Things

Things are not how you left them
Things are not the same

Driving home from work I noticed the sun visor on the passenger's side
was still down from where it had shielded your eyes on Sunday.
At the traffic lights I leant across and pushed it back up.
You wont be sitting there again.
You wont be laughing at your own half remembered drunken stories.
You wont be stroking my thigh while I drive.
You wont be choosing a track from the CD in my stereo.
You wont be sitting there again.
The visor is up - no more hiding your eyes from the sun - the day - the
truth - the un truth - the sordid untruth - un relationship - undoing -
undone????

Things are not how you left them
Things are not the same anymore.
And I'm alright.

I'm finally thinking past you
Over you
I want to be over you
As you sink lower and lower
'Getting drunk is the only activity on the agenda - you should try
it'
You should try reality
You should try not getting drunk
You should try watching someone you care about when they're ugly
drunk
When they can't focus on you
Can't stand - don't know where they are or what they're doing
You should try being made to feel so small you wish you would
disappear
So that at least no one would see this happening
No one would see you with her legs round your waist and her tongue on
your face
And you making sure that I see it all because you are pissed and we're
not exclusive
And I'm sobbing my heart into Phil's shirt in the stairwell
And I wish until I'm sick that you'd never started 'us' and
'this'
You must be in there somewhere because every now and again you surface
briefly
Something in your eyes is still you
Until the fatal final drink cuts you off
And you're there but you're not there
You're 'fuck off' and 'I'm going home' and 'why am I a cunt?'
And I want you back
I want to tell you but you don't give a shit anymore
Not about me, not about anything but
Getting drunk, hammered, leathered, ripped to the tits, pissed
'Three bottles of wine and I still know what's happening'
Shall we write that on your gravestone?
And you, rancid yellow beneath it while we sniff I told you sos in the
church
This isn't funny anymore
And you aren't gonna grovel
And you said sorry
And you haven't been a cunt
I'm not watching the floor show again
But it plays in the background and her eyes and your eyes are laughing
at me
And I retch the vision from my body and I'm too angry to sleep
And I'm shaking. I'm so cold. I'm the queen of ice.
I burn up inside. I melt away into the night -
a puddle at the bottom of your drunken memories
A transcript blurred by melted ice and tears that you find in the
morning
And uncrumple with a puzzled sigh
I can't do this anymore
And you know that.

And you wont be sitting there again
Things are not how you left them
Things are not the same anymore
The visor is up.
The light is green
And I'm alright.