O - I thought I was over you

I thought I was over you
I haven't seen you for more than two weeks
I told myself I had moved on
It was all ok
Things were finally becoming normal again.

Then

I opened the folder 'Simon said'
You said a lot of things
And as I read your words
My stomach clenched itself into a tight knot.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I read the last line of the last email
'How about a drink Wednesday? I meant just us two.'
I remember that Wednesday
I remember just us two
Laughing, sweating, electric
With longing
And words unsaid

The words that I saved
The words that you typed to me in five minute breaks
And Saturday mornings
And lunchtimes
Because you thought about me too much
And you missed me
And you wanted me
They say everything
They still do
'I hope I'm not the cunt you think I am'
You said
I want to hold you
I want to tell you that
I love you

But

I can't
I can't tell you anything anymore
And I want to talk to you
I want to go back to how it was
And I can't - we can't - you can't
Go back
And your brother says
'It will all be ok in the end
Because it always is'

I hold my phone
I find your number
It is nearly eleven
Too late to ring without seeming mad
I feel the tears in my eyes
Threatening to fall
I feel the scab across my heart
Rip open and spill
My feelings for you
A hopeless pile of tenderness
And raw longing

So I want to write you a message
I type 'I miss you'
Before I have had time to think what to put
But I stop myself
I am not allowed you anymore
I can't just help myself
You don't want me
Or you would have come to me
And told me
More words
Perhaps words I could keep
But there will be no more
From you to me
No missing
No wanting
No more words

So I'm writing you this
From me to you
I doubt you have kept
My emails
My feelings
I doubt you have kept
Any thoughts of me
Any last words

And
All
I
Can
Say
Is
I
Love
You.