Darkness poem

By Wolverain

Fri, 31 May 2013
  • 489 reads
2 comments
 

Nothing is ever how you expect it to be,
Nothing is ever how it seems,
There is something else here,
Something strange lurking near,
In the shadows, in the dark,
It leaves its mark on your heart.

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Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

I like this. It is word sparing and the last line was one I identified with.

I would add some form of imagery in to the mix. It would strengthen the piece. Perhaps extend the shadow metaphor? Something dark. You repeat words from line to line. I would cut these to improve word economy and overall meaning. Would you consider:

'Nothing is how you expect it to be,

Nothing is what it seems

There is something else -

strange, lurking near '

Just suggestons. I really like 'In the shadows ...on your heart' penultimate line. Hope this helps. 

 

Submitted by Wolverain on

Thank you very much for the feed bad, I will work on it in the future.