Do it While You Can Part 4

“Did you catch that movie that was in theaters. Just last Saturday?”

“Which movie?” he chuckled, wanting to be anywhere but in that seat.

“The Notebook. Came out just this week.”

“Uhhh…who’s in it?”

“What do you mean who’s in it? Ryan Gosling!” she exclaimed.

“I think that movie came out a while ago…” he smiled, feeling awkward as ever.

“Really? I swear, on Yahoo Movies they had…”

“The movie’s like ten years old.”

She pulled out her smartphone being sure to demonstrate her technical skills to her new date.

“So I’m just going to go to Internet Explorer. Oh sorry, Safari. It’s an iPhone. You have an iPhone? 5S? Did you update the firmware?”

“The firm-?”

“Firmware. The system basically. You should totally look into that, great.”

“Uhh sure…what’re you trying to look up.”

“Oh, the movie.” She smiled nervously.

“I swear, it came out like 10 years ago. Trust me. Me and my girlfriend went to see it.” And he instantly regretted having said that.

I felt like shooting myself right there.

“Girlfriend? Your profile-“

“Ex-girlfriend now. She was SUCH a bitch. So glad to be away from that.” He said, rapping his knuckles on the table.

“Oh, I know. I once dated this guy when I was in High School…such a board. Made me pay for everything. That’s when I decided I don’t need a man in my life, telling me what to do…”

“Oh…”

“Oh gosh… I’m so sorry.” She said, reaching across with her hand. “I thought that, until I realized how wrong I was.” She tried to reconcile.

“It’s all right.” Out of the corner of his eye, he felt his doom approaching. Jessica walked forth with two glasses of water. James’s heart beat faster. His pupils dilated, and he just wanted to scream.

“Hey! James I’m on my break. I was-“ she walked up, and froze. “Hi.” She waved.

“Get away from here. Bitch.” Brenda snapped.

If I had a rate that moment on a scale of one to nuclear apocalypse, I’d have to say I’d rank it…World War fucking THREE!!!

“Uh, excuse me?” Jessica asked sarcastically.

“You heard me. Give us the water, and get away from here. Bitch!”

“Sorry, Jessica…this…it’s my aunt. She’s just-“

“Your aunt? I’m your new girlfriend. This must be your ex-“ she glared at Jessica.

“I am now.” Jessica hissed, and slammed the two glasses of water down on the table.

“No, Jessica. Jessica! It’s not what you think it is.”

“It? How dare you call me it?” Brenda slammed her hand on the table.

“All right, this…is not working out. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“No please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“

“No, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m goddamn fucking sorry!!” he nearly yelled. “Oh god.” He sat back down and buried his face in his hands.

“I had no idea you had a girlfriend.”

“I…don’t…anymore?” he said.

“Well good. So we can have a fresh start with that skank out of the way.”

To be honest, I kind of felt relieved. I mean, dealing with Jessica on a daily basis was hell on Earth. I just…I just prayed to God that Brenda would not be worse. But looks like there’s no service in New York City. So God didn’t get my message. In three hours we were at home, and she would not stop talking. Mostly ‘cause she was drunk.

“Okay, this one time in high school,” she said trying to act as much like a teenager as she could, “this guy…he took a picture of me in the bathroom. I was peeing. He jumped up on the stall, and took a picture of me peeing! How would you feel if someone took a picture of you peeing in the bathroom?”

“Uhh…I don’t know.” James shook his head, feeling miserable.

“So guess what I did. I jumped up. Panties were still down…” she said seductively, “ I grabbed his cellphone, and dropped it into the toilet. Then…I peed on it, and flushed the damn thing down the toilet.”

“Okay, did you have cell phones when you went to school?” he muttered.

“Oh god! How old do you think I am?” she scoffed. “I’m 23 years old. Well technically, I’m turning 24 in a few days.”

“Happy early birthday.”  James said, not looking back at her.

“You don’t seem convinced.” She stood up, and faced him, still in her black dress. She reached behind her dress, and undid something with her hands.

She really wasn’t as wrinkly as I thought she’d be. In fact, most of everything was firm, and stretched. It’s like she’d taken a full body treatment of Botox. She was goddamn plastic. That’s when I knew, she was a LOT older than me.

“So, what do you think? You like?” she said, shaking her waist. She did a slow twirl. Her figure was quite elegant. A product of her 2 hours a day in the Nursing Home’s gym.

“Sure.” James smiled, trying to get up and leave. She pushed him down with her foot, and ran it down his chest to his crotch. “Look, ma’am. I really appreciated the dinner and everything.”

“Well then you’ll appreciate this.” She said, shaking her waist, and sitting bare bottomed on his thighs. She locked her arms around his neck and pulled him in. Her breath reeked of wine, and James turned away.

“Please…don’t.” James groaned. He twisted away, this way and that, but her blooming face still approached. “I said, please….DON’T!” James snapped and pulled her off.

Brenda broke out laughing, as she slid over on the sofa.

“You’re too funny.”

“So I’ve heard.” James commented. “Look, do you need a ride home? Do you have a car?”

“What do you mean, my car’s right ou-“

“I drove you here.” James said blandly.

“Oh. Well…then drive me back young man!” she said, waving her finger drunkenly. “I’m old enough to be your grandma!”

“Oh god!” James got up.

I felt like throwing up. How old was this lady? First off, she was creepy. Second off, I do not want to be thinking of my grandmother let alone any female relatives, when I go out with a woman. Disgusting. After I got her dressed. Yes, I had to dress her. I drove back to the restaurant. She did not let me go until I gave her my phone number, and address. I figured this was just a one-night thing. She wasn’t going to come back…right? I was wrong. See, I made the mistake of adding her into my Group Texts. Also, on Google Plus, when someone adds you as a friend, it’s impossible to unfriend yourself. So she could see all my plans.