Good Grief

These are mostly short stories of fiction that I put together in a collection, written between 1999 and 2007. As I build my ABCtales collection, a few chapters from novels may appear. I'm not averse to rants and raves, either.
What genre? I've never been much good at describing my own work. It's usually pretty dark, normally about society's shortcomings but with a twist of humour to keep an even keel.
I've always wanted to write for TV; a nice hour-long Play For Today. Most of the stories would squeeze into an hour's worth of telly.
Not the most bubbly ra-ra networker, this is the first time I've joined a writers' site. Here goes..let's just hope I don't slit my wrists after the vitriol in your cutting analyses of my work has finally sunk in.

Comments

The number of pieces on here already constitute a novel, surely? Perhaps this should be your next publication. And as for writing for TV, why not script a couple of these, get some friends to help you film it (nearly everyone has some form of video camera these days) and do a crude edit on YouTube and use it to get a TV Writing gig. Failing that, you could always do as suggested and post it on-line as a serial for iphones... You certainly have an excellent 'voice' in your writing and no shortage of ideas which is what producers are looking for. Good luck! Frances. Check out my (updated but still in progress) website: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com

Beans on Toast

Looking for goodies in the dustbin of life
Cherry

'Do you suffer from depression?'

‘Do you suffer from depression?’ she asked. ‘Well..,’ I began, but there was more.
Cherry

'Your Missions Will Be Saving American Lives'

Jason Bourne makes James Bond look like Ed Milliband with a tampon up his arse. Bourne’s musical score’s much more edgy. Bond’s sounds like the looping of an old lady’s fart.

200 red words

200 red words
Cherry

2013

I don’t know why I did it. Actually, that’s a lie. It was the money. Root of all evil and all that.

A Historical Day For A Better England

Nick Clegg reminiscing his first day as Deputy PM

A Long Time Coming

It is said that, over the course of this year, 3500 people will sleep rough in London.

A poem, by Deadend Jobsworth, MP

My dear friend, Deadend Jobsworth of Gluttonbury, MP for Numberwang, has penned a poem in memory of Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’.
Cherry

A Quiet Riot

A searching and fearless moral inventory of our great land's character defects, as told by a defecting spy who wishes to remain anonymous

Adam's End -London's latest art phenomenon

A London art gallery is displaying an erect penis from the body of a sex addict.

Alan is an Ambulance!

People are very careless when they want to be. Take Alan, a friend who works hard and likes a bargain.
Cherry

Cash Cow

God, I was stupid. I don’t know how I got into it and I know it’s easy to blame things on people but you know what boyfriends are like. One thing leads to another and then you’re hooked.
Cherry

Cut and Shut

Doom and gloom

David and Deirdre

David’s day started naturally enough. Being a Saturday, he took the eight-minute bath as opposed to the usual four-minute power-shower.

Death Warmed Up

My unusual experience of the after-life
Gold cherry

The Best Plasterer in the World

The best plasterer in the world lived in Wigan. It’s fact.

The Calculator

The silver solar-powered calculator seemed harmless enough where it was.
Cherry

The Fast Lane

Sometimes, but not very often, adversity brings out the best in us.

We Are But Smoke

Introduction to ‘We Are But Smoke’.
Cherry

The Elaborate Case of the Nose-Picking Killing Machine

Gerry had just retired when his wife, Hilda, died of a night-time stroke. They’d been married for forty-one years.

Joy of Joys

The phone went. It was Boots in Putney. They’ve got my nicotine patches. I said I’d be there in a few days to pick them up.

Treading Carefully

‘You look like a street person,’ she said. ‘Funny, that,’ I replied, leaving it there. Maybe that’s why she gave the next job to someone else.

Oh Well

It was on a heady day in August that James saved a man’s life. Not unusually, he’d been drinking pretty much all day. Being a Saturday meant that he had his wages.

Dogs are Gods

DOGS ARE GODS I was always a happy and kind dog by nature, as most Labradors are.
Cherry

The Importance of a Lift-Operative Explained

Deep into the worst recession in British history, it has been decided that the MPs’ lift in the Houses of Parliament is in desperate need of an operative, a button-pusher, someone to steady the ship

The Top Ten Most Irreverent Ripostes of a Hitman to a Dead Man's Last Request

‘No, it’s Eastenders in ten minutes.’ ‘No, I’ve already done three today.’ ‘No, I’m dying for a slash.’ ‘No, you’re not a bird.’

Twitter and Bisted

Me attempting to be Sharpe's Wilt

None Of The Above

It couldn't be.

The Time Traveller

Praying time-traveller wins gold medal and make fools of world leaders, in two parts

The Time Traveller, Part Two

The second part of the story

One For The Rude

In an affluent London village, a man of no fixed abode has been caught sleeping at Lloyds bank on the high street.
Cherry

wwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Ceroc are doing one of their nights again. Loud music is in the air.

Welcome to my world

I woke up today, as you do, and immediately remembered my last thought before going to sleep last night. If I told you what it was, you’d think I was coocoocobana.

World Cup Fever

After an exhausting day on the golf course, the England squad returned to their complex in a gleaming entourage of bullet-proof limousines.
Cherry

The Critical Sell-By Date

When I wake up and my back’s itching in the place I can’t get at, I might think of the times when I had a girlfriend to scratch it for me. ‘Up a bit, down a bit. That’s it!’

Harmony

Started writing this after watching something on the box about William Morris.
Cherry

The Nerve Centre

Parents ignore kids to develop property and go mad

The Yesteryears

my go at Stories For Pakistan.
Cherry

I Can't Believe I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

This now has a different ending to the one I originally posted. It's about a neurotic housewife's analysis of what she believes to be a superior spread.

Two Peas in a Pod

Light refreshment

Tardy Reynolds

Before anyone gets any funny ideas and wrongly labels me, this is satire aimed at and taken from the dire political stance posed by an over-liberal/under-intellectual/ultra-underachieving government.

J'Accuse!

I can’t believe this is happening. My whole world has been turned upside down by a stranger I haven’t even met.

Lord Atichoo-Atichoo

A brave new plan for homelessness by a brave new government (reworked)

You Can't Kid a Kidder

Jim had always looked up to his father as a child. He was, after all, a high-ranking police officer, a man admired and revered by all.

The Big Society Explained..... part one

The first of two installments on the Big Society. The first is based on life today and the second a speculative picture of the near future.
Cherry

Nice

The costs of resentment
Cherry

Shhtchwong

A weepy with an uplifting ending

Just another day in paradise

‘Just another day in paradise,’ Hamish hummed as he entered the state-of-the-art council buildings.
Cherry

Kelvin's Story

A crime that goes right

Wayne Kerr

A super-injunction scenario seen through the eyes of a young, impressionable girl following an affair with a football star.

General Knowledge

Never the twain shall meet in humanity
Gold cherry

Technology Has Its Uses

Death-tech anarchists rule the roost.

Here One Day, Gone The Next

You were taken from this world by a sick man without conscience, who was free to kill for years and years, free to laugh as his comic strip unfolded, all but encouraged by the hapless brigade of blind