The Outcast - Chapter Eight

I'm sick of this. I really, truly am. I'm done being the Outcast, the Reject, the Outsider. I haven't seen Jordan in a few days, so I can only assume they got to him. It's Spring Break, and we've been out for three days already, not counting the weekend.

Damn it, I hope they haven't gotten to him, that he's just on vacation.

But then, wouldn't he have told me if he was going on vacation? I'd like to think he would.

So what's going on?

Hell and damnation, don't take my only friend away from me. Please.

Marina and Sasha are still at the house. Dad's fallen ill with some sort of liver problem. Heh. I knew the booze would eventually get to him. But now I don't want to dance on his grave. He's becoming the father I've always wanted. I don't want him to die.

It's not fair.

I finally get the family I've always dreamed about, a kind, loving family that doesn't treat me like an Outcast, and now Dad's booze has to catch up to him.

It's just not fair.

But so far, he's doing okay. I think. He's bedridden and throws up a lot, and he gets these pains in the middle of the night that cause him to lie awake screaming, waking the rest of us, but...surely that's better than other things, right? Couldn't that just be his body trying to dispose of the poison in him?

A guy can hope.

Marina's not taking Dad's sudden illness very well at all. She's used to having him around. But she doesn't know him like I do, and I pray that she never will. She doesn't understand why he's suddenly ill, or why the midwife said something about alcohol and liver failure. She doesn't understand. I can still her saying, "Daddy doesn't drink". That's true, he doesn't. Now, anwyay.

But oh, she doesn't know about what life was like before she got here. I pray she never has to see that side of him. Dad was a monster back then. Now he's evolved into my dad.

Sasha hasn't been tending to us like usual. In fact, she's taken to ignoring us. I know she's just taking care of Dad. I understand. But Marina wants her mom to take care of her again, like she has all along.

I understand what Sasha's doing, but Marina's scared out of her wits. She should also be comforting her daughter.

But I guess that job has fallen to me. It's my job to comfort her.

It's hard to comfort people when you don't have a lot of social experience. You can't be social if you're the Outcast. I'm not good at this 'comforting' thing.

But I try my best. I really do.

Sometimes the best you can do just isn't good enough, though. It's sad, really, but it's a fact of life.

Life sucks. It's just so unfair.

I hear a rapping against my door, and look up from my journal writing and see the door opening. Marina's standing there, and her cheeks are tear-stained. I wince and try not to look away. I hate seeing her upset.

"Daddy's dead," she whimpers, and runs forward into my arms. I instinctively wrap my arms around her.

"What?" I ask.

"He...he..." but she can't finish, she just starts bawling.

Damn.

Not fair.

So unfair.

Please.

No.

NOT FAIR!