City Lights... Country Nights

City Lights… Country Nights
by Jake Rivers ©

Author’s Note:

“City Lights” has always been one of my favorite songs by Ray Price:

A bright array of city lights as far as I can see.
The Great White Way shines through the night for lonely guys like me.
The cabarets and honkytonks, their flashing signs invite
A broken heart to lose itself in the glow of city lights.

This story reprises some of the characters and the locale from my earlier story, Hey, Joe!

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS

I pushed the plate with the remnants of my filet out of my way, and sipped on the half glass of Riesling, sighing as I realized I hadn’t really enjoyed the meal. Hell, for a fraction of the cost I might as well had had hominy grits for dinner. Smiling at my folly, I remembered I hadn’t had grits since leaving the ranch in Bandera so many years before. I’d been back to visit my folks from time to time, but at six-four and two-twenty I needed more than grits to fill me up mornings.

The waiter came by and cleared the table and brought me the glass of asked-for brandy. Taking a taste of the slightly warmed up Remy Martin, I looked out the window of the Tower Of Texas at the vast array of lights spreading out over the hot summer night. Tracing the lines of the river, I thought I should have eaten at one of the many fine restaurants lining the banks of the San Antonio River. I knew the coolness of the river would have mitigated the summer heat enough to make the dining out bearable.

The waiter came back by with the credit card receipt and somewhat hesitantly asked me, “Aren’t you Big Jim, unh,” he paused and looked at my credit card again, ”Big Jim Morris?”

“Yeah, but that was back in my rodeo days. When I realized I wasn’t good enough to make a living bulldoggin’ steers I dropped the ‘Big’ part. Now I’m just Jim Morris.”

“I was asking because I overheard my mom talking to her sister about you one time. The time they were talking about was before she married my dad … from what she said you guys were close at one time.” He added helpfully, “She was a champion barrel racer at the time.”

I nodded and told him, “Well, say hi to her, okay.”

He left and I added a couple dollars to the tip. I didn’t want his mom, Candy, to think I was a cheapskate. I’d been pretty wild during my rodeo days, and there were always girls hanging around. I always did my best to see that they left with a smile on their face. Candy was different. We’d been talking marriage for a few months but that talk ended real fast when she caught me with her nemesis, the only girl that ever beat her. She had left me with some bitter words and had gone home to her folks in Cheyenne. She never did go back to the rodeo business.

At the end of that season I quit too and did just the opposite kind of work that my dad did: he bred bulls and horses for the rodeo and I bought them. I hardly ever did business with him the way it worked out. Buyers seemed to think I wouldn’t do right for them if I bought from family.

None of the tables near me had been occupied, and I realized I had made a fine art out of being lonely. Down there, scattered around the city, the bars and honkytonks were flashing their bright neon lights as an invitation to loneliness – a loneliness I well knew. Suddenly tired of my thoughts I put the glass down and pushed back my chair, and left … carrying my sadness with me, like a cloak on a cold winter night.

On the elevator down, I made my decision. My dad wanted to retire, but hadn’t been able to find anyone to take over his breeding business. Mom and dad kept getting after me to take the business over, but I knew Holly wasn’t interested. Well, hell. Holly damn well wasn’t around anymore.

Dad also worked as a vet tech in my mom’s large animal veterinary business located where the ranch road came off the highway. My mom, Angie, had already retired. She and my dad, Danny, had sold the business to a recently licensed young vet and leased the building to him.

When I got back to my deathly quiet apartment, I gave dad a call and gave him the news. The vet that had leased the building hadn’t wanted the apartment so it was sitting vacant. It was small – two bedroom, two bath – but was done up quite nicely with paneling and hardwood floors. My mom had stayed there when she started her large animal vet business before she had married dad.

A month later, I was in my truck pulling a rental trailer that held surprisingly little stuff to show for ten years of marriage. Pain and suffering might weigh me down but it did nothing to fill the big trailer.

BANDERA, TEXAS

Lights that say "Forget her love, in a different atmosphere."
Lights that lure are nothing but a masquerade for tears.
They paint a pretty picture but my arms can't hold them tight.
And I just can’t say, "I love you" to a street of city lights.

It was nice not having to travel all the time, though for the bigger rodeos like the Calgary Stampede I’d still ride along with the driver since that was the place to make good contacts. I got tired of sitting alone in my apartment so I took to going to the Silver Dollar Saloon on Friday and Saturday nights. My folks knew the owner well and it was a popular place. There were always good dance bands, sawdust on the floor and great beer. What more could a broken-down rodeo cowboy need?

One night several months after I’d moved back, I was sitting at a small table in the corner hiding behind my beer. Someone played “The Road of No Return” on the jukebox and the old Ray Price tune made me think of Holly … something I tried not to do as much as I could. Except when it got to the part, “There were tears in her eyes as she told me goodbye.” Holly damn well didn’t have any tears in her eyes.

I’d been on the road to Idaho and Montana for two weeks, and when I got back, she was sitting on the sofa with her coat over her arm and two suitcases packed by the door.

“Jim, I’m going on a cruise with a friend I met, Bill Hunter. He’ll be here any minute to pick me up. Don’t go getting all upset because it might not work out between us and if that’s the case I’ll come back home.”

Now I’d always thought of myself as a quick thinker but I’m sure I stood there with my mouth hanging open looking dumb. I was having trouble processing what she had said.

I tried, “You mean you are leaving here with another man?”

“Jim, don’t be stupid. I already told you that.”

“Let me get this straight. You are going on a cruise with some asshole – what was his name? Oh, yeah, Bill Hunter. I assume you mean you’ll be sleeping in the same bed?”

“Jim, you don’t have to be crude. Of course I’ll be sleeping with him. But, it might not work out. Who knows, two weeks in a small room cruising the Med might make us hate each other and then I’ll come back home … so don’t get your balls in an uproar!”

Goddamn! Where did this woman come from and what did she do with Holly? Well, it didn’t make any difference; Angie didn’t raise a fool. I took her two bags and put them in the hallway. I went back and, grabbing her hand, I hauled her up and dragged her over to the door.

“Have fun, Holly, but don’t worry about coming back home – I won’t be here.”

I pushed her out the door and locked it with the chain. Grabbing a beer, I sat where she had been sitting and tried to figure out what had just happened. A bit later, I heard her steps receding down the hallway with the hum of the wheels on the suitcase followed shortly by the ding on the elevator.

Sipping the beer there in our apartment, I tried to figure out what had gone wrong. I gradually got over it the next few weeks … mostly. About a month after she left I received divorce papers in which she asked for damn little. Turned out the guy owned more oil wells than I had fingers.

So, I sat at the small table at the Silver Dollar thinking that maybe love wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. When I first started coming here I’d picked up a few girls for one-nighters – I wasn’t in any hurry for an ongoing relationship. After a few weeks of that I gave it up … the emotional turmoil didn’t seem worth the sometimes dubious rewards.

After that, I just came for a few dances if someone caught my fancy – or I hers. I stayed away from the slow songs and made sure to escort each girl back to her table after one dance. I did like listening to the bands; they generally were quite good. I paced myself on the beer, maybe one every forty-five minutes or so. I got in the habit of peeling the labels off the bottles until one of the bar girls hinted that if I was going to keep making a mess on the table that maybe I should tip a little more.

For a few weeks – especially when I saw a girl that through her posture, her voice, her hair or something made me think of Holly - I’d try to analyze what had gone wrong. I finally conceded that maybe it was partly my fault with all the travel I’d been doing or maybe even it was no one’s fault – it just damn well happened and so damn what?

I snapped out of it when a girl walked over and stood next to me. She looked down and finally asked, “Big Jim, you really don’t remember me, do you?”

Well, it had been a long time since anyone not connected with the rodeo business had called me Big Jim, so I looked a little closer. I saw a gal about my age, mid-thirties, long blond hair and just shy of voluptuous. She was certainly nothing close to what I would call chubby but I sensed that under that tight red cowgirl shirt and those even tighter fashionably faded blue jeans there just might be a few curves on her curves.

I looked closer at her eyes, and was immediately transported back to my sixteenth year in the hayloft of Kelly Jensen’s barn where we’d mutually taken each other’s virginity. I remembered a beanpole skinny girl with the most brilliant cornflower blue eyes. They were of an intensity that had sucked that life out of an equally skinny kid that happened to be a foot taller than her. After that, we had dated through the rest of our sophomore year then her dad had died and her mom and two sisters had moved to Corpus Christi to live with her grandparents.

“Kelly? Kelly Jensen? That can’t be you, but those eyes …”

She laughed, “Yeah, it’s me. I’ve been trying to get up the courage to come over. I don’t know why I was hesitant but seeing you sitting here looking a little on the blue side of lonesome made me hold back.”

Remembering some semblance of manners, I jumped up and pulled out the other chair. “Sit down; please sit. Can I get you a drink?”

She nodded at my beer and I held it up so Mary, the bartender, could see it. I sat back down and stared at Kelly.

“So, damn, it’s you, Kelly.” I always was real smooth with the girls. “So tell me, what happened to you? Last I heard you were down Corpus way.”

“Well, I was. Then I went up to Austin to school and met a real nice boy. He was from over to Medina, just west of here. We got married when we graduated and he took over his dad’s feed business and helped on his dad’s farm. We had a little boy and two years later a little girl.”

She looked down to check the shine on her Justin’s but I knew it was more than that.

She continued, “Then one night he was coming home a big semi with a load of hay blew a tire and hit him head on.” With a tear in her eye, she added, “Damn it all – it was so quick. He was there one day and then … gone. I never got to say goodbye to him. I took over the business – I had been doing the paperwork anyway – and I still run it.

"I’ve taken it pretty hard. That was five years ago and it’s just been the last couple of months that I’ve started going out. So far it's only been with my best friend from high school – you remember Julie Garner, don’t you?” At my nod she went on, “I haven't actually had a date so far. But it’s good for me to get out and I do like the music and dancing.”

The band had just started a new set after its first break, so I stood and offered her my hand. She looked a bit surprised but then smiled and put her arms out. They played a couple of two step dances and segued into a waltz. I started to walk her back to the table but she pulled back on my hand and put her arms around my neck.

We danced slowly for a bit then she whispered in my ear, “Do you remember that first time in my dad’s barn? I was so skinny that I was afraid you would laugh at how thin I was.”

“Well, if you remember, I was just as skinny as you were.” We both laughed at that.

She whispered again, “I haven’t been with a man since Gary died.”

Startled, I stopped dancing and looked at her. She blushed furiously and said, “Damn! I didn’t say that out loud, did I. Tell me I didn’t!”

I started dancing with her again and looked over at the band, “No, I didn’t hear anything. I think the bass player missed a chord and that’s what startled me – he is usually spot on.”

We danced a couple more numbers then went back to the table. We chatted for a minute then a tall redhead I recognized at once came up. I rose up and asked, “You must be Julie, right?”

“Yeah. Big Jim, isn’t it? I saw you over at the lunch counter a couple weeks ago. I recognized you right off but I was with someone.” She turned to Kelly, “You ready to go? I have to do inventory at the store tomorrow so I’ve got to take off.”

I was just going to offer to take Kelly home when she pulled out her chair, “Thanks for the dances.” She leaned a little closer, and said softly, “And thanks for the other.”

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and was gone. I realized I’d never told her about Holly and she probably thought I was married. Well, it was probably for the best … I really wasn’t looking for any entanglements.

The next morning, Sunday, I walked over to the ranch and let mom fix me breakfast. Our house was about a quarter mile back from the highway and the veterinary building. It was a nice breakfast of ham steak, eggs and some left over cornbread she had. I’d told her about Holly and she hadn’t said too much. She was never one to meddle. But, I knew she would always be there for me whenever I needed it.

I drove down to King Ranch to look at a couple of bulls for adding to my breeding stock the next day and wound up staying a week. They were hell on wheels for hospitality. I went hunting several times with them and took back a couple of Rio Grande turkeys they dressed and froze for me. They were a little overstocked on bulls and had done business with my dad for years so I left with the bulls at a much lower price than I had expected I would have to pay.

Driving back, I found my thoughts wandering back to Kelly more frequently than I would have believed. The next Friday I went back to the Silver Dollar and saw Kelly sitting with Julie and two men I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure which one she was with. When I started to walk by Kelly stood up.

“Jim, come sit with us?”

I noticed the man gave her a dirty look but he didn’t say anything. “Jim, this is … I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

“Lowell.” He said that a bit testy, like he had said it several times already.

“Anyway, Jim, this is Lowell. Lowell, this is Jim, my fiancé. Jim, why are you so late? You know we have a dinner reservation in a half-hour.”

I looked at her with my right eyebrow raised a little when she smiled at me and jumped up, took my hand, and said, “Let’s dance. We can get in a couple of dances before we have to leave.”

I took her hand and walked her out to the floor. I didn’t say anything but finally had to ask, “Fiancé?”

She smothered a giggle with her hand, “That guy has been pestering me all night. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women but I think he’s a creep. You came just in time. Maybe I should get a ring I can flash.”

“Okay, I guess we should go to dinner.”

“Oh, Jim. You don’t have to do that. Just give me a ride home.”

“What? Being your fiancé doesn’t even rate me a dinner?”

She smiled and said, “Well, you don’t have to, but it would be nice.”

After several dances, I took her back to the table. I shook hands with Julie and then with Lowell. At six four with a couple of inches of boot heel I can be intimidating. I told Lowell not to bother to get up and leaned into the handshake. He didn’t exactly squeal but he did turn an interesting shade of white.

I drove to a steak house that was small and intimate. Around here, everyone fixed great steaks so I was looking more for the atmosphere. When we were seated, I asked her, “So, do you want a long engagement or a short one.” I figured I’d yank her chain a bit for springing that on me.

“Thanks for being a good sport about it, Jim. I really didn’t know what to do with that guy.”

Trying to look as serious as I could, I asked, “What do you mean about being a good sport. Are you saying you didn’t mean it about being engaged? You wouldn’t do that to a guy that has always loved you, would you?”

As I said that, I realized it was somewhat true. I’d really liked her in school but one day she was just … gone. I’d never had any closure on it.

“But, Jim! I was just … I mean … didn’t you … oh, Jim. I thought you were married to that - Holly something, wasn’t it?”

Well, that popped my bubble. I deflated as quickly as a blown out tire. “Yeah, Holly. I’m sorry; I was just teasing you about the engagement thing.” I gave a deep sigh and looked at anything but Kelly. “We broke up a few months ago – although to be precise I’d say she broke up with me. I’d rather not go into it now, if that’s okay.”

She looked sad and put her hand on mine, “Sure, Jim. I understand.”

“The divorce won’t be final for a couple of months. Maybe we should have a party then and celebrate,” I said with some sarcasm.

“Jim, don’t be cynical. I know it’s hard but I understand what loneliness is all about.”

She had a tear in her eye as she said that but the waiter bringing our wine saved us. After that, we both tried to be upbeat and kept it light. The dinner was good and afterwards I drove her home. She lived on a small ranch west of town not too far from where my parents lived. As we drove past the vet building, she made the connection.

“That’s where you used to live, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Well, actually I still do. I live in the apartment in the vet building.”

“Gosh, we’re practically neighbors. The Adams family lives next to me about a quarter mile and their daughter Katie babysits for me when needed. My daughter Annie is eight and my son Timmy is six.”

I pulled up in front of her house and offered to drive her babysitter home.

“Okay, come on in and I’ll introduce you.”

Since it was not too late, the kids were still up so I got the introduction to all three of them. Annie was a skinny replica of her mother from when she was young and Timmy was stocky and looked like a promising athlete. I had a cup of coffee while Katie Adams gathered her homework.

I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and a quick whispered, “Thanks for helping me out and being my fiancé for a night.”

I dropped Mary off and drove the short two miles back to my place. I saw the lights were still on, so I went back and had a beer with my dad and talked business. He had retired but couldn’t stay out of it. I didn’t mind since he knew more about the breeding business than I ever would.

The next week I called Kelly to go dancing again, “If I’m there with you, you won’t have to fight off Lowell.”

She laughed at that but agreed to go with me. We both had a lot of fun and laughed frequently. A couple of times I noticed she seemed a bit wistful, like she felt guilty for enjoying herself. I understood and didn’t say anything.

The evening was marred only by an ugly incident. I’d gone back to the restroom and when I got back, a drunken Lowell was there, jerking on Kelly’s arm insisting she dance with him. He was a mean drunk. I felt like beating the crap out of him but I had been around the block enough times to know that wasn’t the best way. I twisted his arm up around his back and called over to Mary behind the bar to get the bouncer.

Lowell was taken away screaming, “I’ll get you, goddamn stuck up bitch.”

After that, Kelly wanted to be taken home right away. I could tell it really upset her. When we got to her house I offered to come in for a while, but she said, “No, I just want to be with my kids for now. Could you take Katie home for me?”

I had her wait for a minute while I wrote my home and cell numbers for her. “Please call me immediately if you have any problems with that asshole again.”

Sunday morning she called and invited me over for dinner. “It’s just fried chicken and mashed potatoes. That what the kids like.”

The dinner was quite good. Annie was very shy but Timmy was just the opposite. He was very mature for his age and had a self-confidence that belied his age. Both were very polite and as nice kids as you could find.

After they went to bed, Kelly put on some soft music and we danced for a few songs. We wound up on the sofa and I found myself kissing a very different Kelly than the skinny girl of twenty years ago. I was sensitive to her body language and stopped at the right time while she was still feeling good about what we were doing but not getting nervous about it.

We stood by the door chatting and I asked her if she had any plans for the next Sunday.

“Nothing special – I’ll probably just fry more chicken,” she laughed.

“I have two Rio Grande turkeys I shot when I was at the King Ranch. My mom is going to fix one of them. She asked me to invite you over. Do your kids ride horses?”

“Yeah, they do. But I just have mine in the barn and she’s too big for them.”

“Well, come on over then. I can pick you up and we have horses that would be fine for the kids. We can all go for a ride before dinner.”

“Okay, my arm is getting sore … you can stop twisting it now,” she smiled.

The next Saturday night we drove into San Antonio for dinner at Boudro’s on the Riverwalk for some blackened prime rib. Kelly had never been there before and really enjoyed it. A mariachi band strolling along the Riverwalk came by and I gave them some money to play, “Yo Soy El Aventurero,” which had always been one of my favorites. She enjoyed that a lot since she had never heard it.

We had a nice drive back, not much conversation but a companionable silence. About halfway home, she impulsively leaned over and kissed my cheek and took my hand. I looked over at her and saw she was looking forward with a small smile on her lips. I was never that great at women’s body language so I wasn’t able to figure out what her enigmatic smile might mean. Oh, well. At least it wasn’t a frown.

I didn’t go in when we got back; she just sent the babysitter out. The next morning, I picked up Kelly and her kids and took them to the church she went to and then on to my folks. When we got there, dad was just setting up the grill for one of the turkeys I’d shot down at the King Ranch. From experience, I knew it would take a while, so after introducing Kelly and her kids, I took her over to see the vet building and my apartment while mom gave the kids some cookies she had baked.

Kelly was fascinated by the large animal clinic since it was set up with hoists and a large table so that surgery could be performed on even the largest animal. When I showed her the apartment I sensed it wasn't the right time to try anything with her but as I showed her the view of the ranch out of my second floor apartment she leaned back into me when I put my arms on her shoulders. I nuzzled the back of her neck and she seemed to like that.

We went back and got the kids, and took them to the barn and adjoining corral. Dad had brought several horses in from the pasture for us to take the kids for a ride. Kelly had assured me she was a competent rider so I put her up on a spirited mare. The kids were both on docile ponies and I had my favorite, a lineback dun that handled my large frame with ease.

Kelly turned out to be quietly competent. Annie did okay but she didn’t seem at ease. Timmy surprised me though; he had a natural seat and rode like he was part of the pony. I thought about working with him on his horsemanship but I’d have to talk to Kelly about that.

The turkey turned out perfect and mom had fixed all the trimmings. I knew my mom had never really liked Holly although she tried to get along with her. She did seem taken with Kelly. After dinner, Kelly helped mom clean up and dad and I took the kids over to the veterinary office and showed them around. Dad explained to them the problems of doing surgery on a large horse and showed them how the hoists worked.

I took Kelly and the kids home, and we all watched a Disney movie that Kelly had rented. Kelly didn’t show any hesitation in holding my hand in front of the kids. I knew I was falling for her and it scared me to death. I had totally lost confidence in myself when Holly dumped me. I also sensed that Kelly was skittish as a colt about entering into a serious relationship. Some of that was a lingering grief for her husband but I thought most of it was concern for her kids. It was clear that they were the most important part of her life.

And that was fine with me. It was clear that Holly and I had rushed into marriage too soon and, in retrospect, the surprise wasn’t that it hadn’t worked out but that it had lasted as long as it did.

Dad seemed reluctant in totally letting go of the business part of the ranch but that was okay with me. We had a nice easy-going relationship and I didn’t have any problem working it any way he wanted.

I was spending more and more time with Kelly and her kids and I was enjoying their company. I took them on several picnics and was pleased when I took them fishing at Medina Lake and Annie was the one that caught several bass to provide a great dinner for us. It was funny to watch her boss Kelly around in the kitchen while her mom was cooking her fish. Timmy didn’t have the patience for fishing – he was more of the bull in the china shop, take no prisoners, full-speed ahead type. I got worn out just watching him.

Kelly and I continued going dancing at least one night a week, usually at the Silver Dollar. We didn’t see any more of Lowell Brown and that was fine with us. We didn’t really drink very much, maybe a couple of beers a night. I was pleased that she seemed to want to dance mostly with me. She never danced with a stranger – just with old friends.

It was about four months after I met Kelly when all of our lives were changed by a traumatic incident. I got a frantic call from her about two in the morning. Lowell had come to her front door drunk and angry. She looked through the window and was scared when she saw a gun in his hand, so she grabbed the kids and snuck them out the back door. She quietly had walked around the house and when Lowell broke in the front door, she ran for her car.

Lowell heard her car start and came running out firing his pistol at her car. At the time of her call he was chasing her down the highway shooting at her car … one of the bullets had broken her rear window. I told her to drive to the vet building, around back where the door to my apartment was.

I called 911 and grabbed a shotgun off the rack and a couple shells from the shelf by the door. I loaded the twelve-gauge, ran down the stairs and stood in the shadows by my truck. A couple of minutes later Kelly came screeching in and I could hear Lowell’s car turning off the highway. I pulled Kelly and her kids behind the truck and waited.

Lowell pulled in on the other side of Kelly’s car and looked in it. I hoped I could reason with him, so I stepped out but still stood behind the hood of my truck.

I yelled, “Brown, put the gun down! The police are on their way.”

I could, in fact, hear the sirens of the Texas State Police cars wailing not too far away. I fired one barrel of the Remington up in the air to get his attention.

Lowell dropped his pistol to his side then before I could react, he whipped it up and shot at me. I felt a hard blow hit my left shoulder and instinctively leveled the shotgun and gave him the other barrel. I had been hunting for too many years to miss at the short distance between us. The double aught pellets pretty much tore his head off.

Dad got there just as the two patrol cars turned in. He hadn’t been able to sleep and had been sitting on the front porch of the ranch house enjoying the night and when Kelly had driven in so fast, he started running towards us.

It was chaos for a while but they called a helicopter for me – there was clearly no hurry for one for Lowell - and with dad’s quiet voice explaining what had happened it settled down fast. I was out of there within ten minutes and shortly afterwards was at University Hospital in San Antonio.

There were no long-term consequences from the awful episode. My shoulder was torn up pretty good and even with a couple of operations, I never regained full range of movement. It also complained a lot on those cold, dark days of winter. I felt bad for taking a life but I knew I had no choice and would do it again with no hesitation to protect what I hoped would be my family. I wound up giving the shotgun to a buddy of mine.

The kids had bad dreams for a while and Kelly backed off from the closeness we had gained for several months but we all weathered the storm. Kelly was upset enough that she closed the feed store for a couple of weeks. She took her kids and stayed with her mom in San Antone. She turned quiet and reserved and not as affectionate. Annie had nightmares for a while but Timmy didn’t seem bothered at all.

A month after the shooting incident I got the final divorce papers from Holly. The receiving of them was painful, like an injury that takes a long time to heal, but I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I might. I guess time and distance could heal a lot of things. What had bothered me the most was that I’d no clue that it was going to happen. I knew I had been traveling too much but Holly had never complained.

I guess we were just too young when we married and got those two four letter words mixed up: lust and love.

The day I got the papers from Holly, I got a call from Kelly inviting me over for dinner. I told her about the divorce papers but her reaction wasn’t what I’d figured it would be.

She looked serious and asked, “How do you feel about it, Jim?”

“I don’t know. I guess like making a little doll of her and throwing it in the fireplace.”

“Jim! That’s not like you. I don’t like hearing you talk like that even in jest.”

“I’m sorry; I guess I’m a bit bitter. Come here and you can forgive me.”

The kids were outside playing so I pulled her down to my lap. We kissed for a while but she started getting antsy so I knew she was expecting the kids to come in. She didn’t feel comfortable yet showing affection to me in front of Annie and Timmy.

Kelly and her family came over to my folks for both Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Both were a lot of fun and I could see mom and dad both were becoming attached to Kelly and her two kids. Christmas morning she bundled her family up and drove to Fredericksburg where her mom had moved after leaving Corpus Christi. It’s about an hour drive and she was going to stay up there for a week or so. After the ‘incident’ she had given more responsibility to the man working for her, so she didn’t have to be there every day.

That Saturday night I decided to go on to the Silver Dollar. Not for the dancing but to nurse a couple of beers and listen to the music. I’d been there a little under an hour when I felt someone’s hands on my shoulder.

“Hey, cowboy, wanna dance?”

I jumped up and there was Kelly, all tricked out in her dancing clothes and shiny Justins.

I took her up on her offer and pulled her out to the dance floor. I put my arms around her, holding her tight. It just felt so right. I knew then that I loved her … loved her in a deeper, more mature love than I’d ever had for Holly.

I whispered in her ear, “I love you, Kelly.” It must have been the right thing to say because she liked to have burst my ribs she squeezed so tight.

She pulled my head down and kissed me with more that a little bit of fire. “Jim, the kids are still with my mom. Please take me home now.”

She sat next to me in the truck, her hand on my leg, leaning against my side. When we got to her place, I kissed her with all the softness and caring that was in my heart. I pulled back enough to look into her eyes, hooded in the darkness.

“Kelly, is this what you want?”

“Yes, Jim. With all my heart.”

I helped her out of the truck and we went into her house, going right to the bedroom. The only light was a night light in her bathroom and in the dimness of her room I slowly undressed her, gently kissing her body, as it was uncovered.

I remembered at the last minute that I hadn’t planned this and I had no protection with me. Damn, I hadn’t been with a woman since Holly left.

“It’s okay, Jim. I know it’s okay.”

“Kelly, are you on the pill, or …”

“Jim, Jim! Just love me. I love you and want you with me forever.” She looked at me shyly in the dim light, “Jim … I … I want to have your baby. I know it’s the right thing.”

I was somewhat stunned by what she said but after a quick reflection it sounded right to me too. She wasn’t perfect, but hell, I wasn’t either. I kissed her stretch marks, admired the full rounded hips, and made love to those breasts that showed the slight sag of motherhood. She was all a man could ask for and we shared our passion there on her bed.

She cried after the first time and I lay there with her in my arms, stroking her back and gentling her with soft words and loving touches. Later in the dark night a storm moved in and the noise of the sleet hitting the windows woke us to start a torrent of filling each other’s wants and needs. The next morning we woke and looked askance of one another and saw the love we would share until the end.

The next morning I drove her to Fredericksburg to meet her mom. On the way, we made plans for getting married without either of us specifically asking about it. It was just the right thing to do and we knew it.

I got on well with her mom and saw the peace and happiness in Kelly’s eyes as she saw how happy the kids were to see me and saw how much I loved them.

******
Now, in the autumn of our years we look back with thankfulness on the circumstances that brought us together. We moved to my folks' ranch after they died and Timmy took over his mom’s place. After a couple of years on the rodeo circuit Tim – as he came to prefer – went to school to become a vet and took over the business at the front of the ranch.

Annie became a pediatrician and lived in San Antone and Angie, the daughter of our love, was a vet tech working for Tim and living in the apartment that I had when I met Kelly. I seemed to see a lot of pickup trucks stopping by Angie’s door but she says she is in no hurry, that she only wants to pick a man once in her life.

As time went on I came to understand that I had needed the experience of Holly to really appreciate what I had in Kelly.

Life has been good to us.