Critical Understanding

Cherry

By jennifer

Sat, 31 Jan 2009
  • 3590 reads
10 comments
 

Critical Understanding (31st January, 2009, 11.21pm)

Line up the imperfect lines of poetry
against the towering wall of commentary
as the critics load, lock, raise their weaponry.

Bare my left breast to reveal my heart;
the witness that watches you tear my life apart
with the staccato searing bullets of your words.

I have come here in ambiguity,
livid with finger-tied defencelessness,
marked red with the pricks of your sights.

Raise my left hand to the Bible of Truth:
force me to swear simplistic, perfect clarity,
and you will notice the steep decline in quality.

How can I show you the sinews and blood
if the machinations of my heart lie unrevealed,
shrouded safely in their poetic impenetrability?

Tear the shirt from my back as I kneel:
be satisfied with the paucity of my offerings;
leftovers, scraps with which my torn voice sings.

Jennifer Pickup

Certificate U
Poem
Mind Stew (2009)
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by tamara on
Speechless! Thanks for posting this, it is absolutely excellent Spot on. Every stanza I wish to quote but I will choose this one as my favourite. 'Bare my left breast to reveal my heart; the witness that watches you tear my life apart with the staccato searing bullets of your words.' Genius.x P.S- The title draws me in too,'Critical Understanding.'

Submitted by Geoff Smith on
I liked it too, the first stanza particularly with its rhymes and light rhythm. It's a bit ironic I guess that I have an opinion here, perhaps ironic too that part of what makes this an excellent piece is its tight focus. Really liked the poem. JM

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by shoebox on
It's really something special. Something else, we say. I love 'I have come here in ambiguity, livid...' Just too neat. Great job that maybe a change or two can only enhance. :)

Submitted by jennifer on
Thank you all for your critical eyes and lovely comments! ;) Jasper, it was you that inspired it, actually, with your comment on my last piece, 'Sad-ism': 'This (for me) is one of those pieces that have a strong autobiographical element that procludes a complete understanding.' Hehe! Shoebox - what changes would you suggest? I would like the 'enhancement' of which you speak! J x

 

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
;) Brilliant! Written as though you actually understand how us ordinary mortals feel, when flesh gouging barbs are fired point blank into our 'sitting duck' punctuation, causing Colon cancer, Period pausing and Comma capitulation. ;-) Chris X

Submitted by jennifer on
Thank you, boys, high praise indeed! Chris, I hold up my hands and admit to being an English teacher... punctuation is my personal crusade! I hope it's not too painful - try my heady cocktail of relief - a couple of nurofen and one glass of red! J x

 

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
LOL. I'll go for 2 glasses of red and critique flagellation. hehe! I'm off with artisus to sadism, sorry; Sad-ism. ;) Chris XX

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Just in case anyone should get the wrong idea; I think this piece is a wonderful poem, written by someone who is master of the language and craft. Well done J Chris XX

Submitted by Yutka on
I especially like those lines How can I show you the sinews and blood if the machinations of my heart lie unrevealed, a very true observation pointed out beautifully too, that lets us poets show our soft bellies, to a lesser degree a bit like my tom cat who lies down on his back, paws up, wanting to be stroked...

 

Submitted by onemorething on
This is fantastic. I loved it. I think it's the best you've written. I was surprised it wasn't poem of the week. A perfectly polished piece.