Fear-
By Tabitha B
Mon, 02 Feb 2009
- 1547 reads
7 comments
The fear. My life. It's passing by,
Too fast, hard to catch like a butterfly.
Confounding hardships as teens we face,
Yet when responsibilities take their place.
How good we had it we will realise,
For our actions we are criticised.
My Past and Present an adolescent,
Yet our years as children are evanescent.
My wish to stay a teen forever,
My future choices I must enedeavour.
Which path to go down which road to take,
My life and options are mine to make.
And that I admit intills fear in my heart,
For growing-up I must soon start.
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Comments
I like this; especially the
Permalink Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
I like this; especially the second half. Captures well and pretty honestly the trepidation that comes with heading for adulthood (whether we like it or not).
Chris X
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Good work Tabs, I really
Permalink Submitted by Mister_Mac on
Good work Tabs, I really like this. Your rhyme scheme and metre are well-maintained, especially your use of Evanescent!!!
A nice exploration of a feeling that most of us know, but few ever really talk about.
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Think the 'it's ' in line
Think the 'it's ' in line four should be 'their', since 'hardships' is plural. Endeavour (sp). Instills (typo).
The English teacher will now shut up, since this is a great little poem...watch out that you don't grow up though - I did, once, but I soon grew back down again!
J x
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I liked this. I agree with
Permalink Submitted by Geoff Smith on
I liked this. I agree with Mister_Mac again here. The evanescent rhyme is smashing.
I think the rhythmis a little out in the penultimate line. What do you think? Hmm I suppose it depends on the way you read it. I think I might take that comment back.
Really good.
JM
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.
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Hey Tabs...Loving your
Hey Tabs...Loving your work!!! gosh i didn't know you felt like that lol!! great use of words! well done!
Love Jen x :)
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