Yes moanin! ..... (again)

Oh how I seem to be filled with deeply ingrained polarities. I'm an antidissestablishmentarianist, who likes to conform if given the opportunity and I'm a comedian that doesn't like people laughing at my jokes, or maybe I just don't like people laughing. Then I hear Stevie Wonder playing forth from the rarely heard radio and I remember where I was when that song was out, in Clacton falling in love with Jill, I was fourteen, the song was called, 'I was made to love her'.

Where has all that time gone, blimey, and I still haven't done anything worth a damn? Then I realise, I'm moaning again, yea moaning like I always have done, even as a kid, my mum used to call me 'moanalot'. And then I see another polarity, a search for peace opposed by an anger that is driven by the forces of, what, what are the forces driving it? The gap between rich and the poor, the newspapers always searching for and finding the most depressing stories possible, opposed by the glory that is 'Celebrity get me out of here', help! The grinding disparity between truth and lies, between real and unreal, that's where the energy is, the fuel for my suffering or creativity depending on which way one looks at it.

A voice inside my head then reminds me of my father or someone else I can't quite remember". Happy, are you joking? Forget about that, with all I've got to do, you want me to be happy as well? Get real son, it's a hard life, just get used to it". Oh ok then Dad, I'll find go and get some painkillers.

Like the rings of a tree all memory is stored away in my DNA. All that ever happened to me is stored deep in the layers of my body/mind, what am I supposed to do with all of this information? And just in case anyone wants to write in with some advice, or the name of a good therapist please don't. Because in an hour or a day all of this will seem like it was written by someone else, well ok not quite someone else, me in different mode maybe. Within my complexes and angst's I know myself well enough to say that, 'this too shall pass'.