Losing It

Losing your faith
is not like losing
your favourite scarf
or your mother's brooch.
(The one with
the golden peacock feathers.)

No. When you lose
your faith there is part
of you that says:
"Don't go looking for it."
There is a bitterness inside
that wants it to remain lost.

You tell everyone
you were talking
to yourself
on those lonely nights;
how could there have been
anyone 'up there' listening?

And yet, in the end,
after a bad, black dream
you find yourself
falling out of bed,
onto your knees,
your hands making mountains -

an arrow pointing upwards,
through your roof
to the sky.
And you realise
you're praying ...
Praying harder than ever before.