On All-beloved-returns-night

By Kahdai

Thu, 25 Mar 2010
  • 1123 reads
5 comments
 

Smoke - curlike;
the country road leads
the distant scent to me...
Flame calls to souls
lit in memory
of the one
the tears of wax mourn for.
The candles on the sill,
waiting for a sign.

Certificate U
Poem
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
This is beautiful, Kahdai. May I just make a small suggestion as to you punctuation and line endings in the first three lines, which I feel would add greater weight to your words. I.e.:- 'Smoke - curlike; the country road leads the distant scent to me...' The following lines are my favourites:- 'Flame calls to souls lit in memory of the one the tears of wax mourn for." Much enjoyed;-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
Thankyou Tina, I do see what you mean, would fit better with the rythem too. I just had to squash it in with drawings, so I think I will change it here. I'm glad you like it, I was more unsure about the ending, any advice or ideas? Kahdai xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by Kahdai on
I also notice I missed the . after for thanks to you :)

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
It is just perfect now, Kahdai and I guessed you would notice the . for yourself. Well spotted, as they say;-) And well done on a lovely poem. Tina xx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
Thankyou very much Tina xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "