What girls should do

It is her first time. The man seems uncertain, as if sure that at any time a wall might pull back to show a crowd of laughing people.

“You look stunning,” he says. “So femme.” His hand on the small of her back steers her to the darkest corner of the bar, sits her facing outwards. He hunches across the table presenting a back to the world.

She wants to shrug into her clothes but they give nowhere to hide. The makeup and wig does not disguise her.

The man talks about himself. His questions close around her like strong arms. She laughs even though he is not funny.

She is transfixed, unable to escape. She thinks of visiting the leisure pool as a child, the pleasure and fear of the wave machine pulling her body this way and that.

He has pre-arranged the hotel room. It is stuffy and warm. She does not feel drunk.

She tries not to notice his hand shake as he hands her the large glass of wine.

They both know she is not really a girl.

When he asks her to kiss him she does so because that is what girls should do.