Saved my soul, should I of?

By Kahdai

Fri, 18 Jun 2010
  • 956 reads
5 comments
 

From under the dark, I see my soul climbing
Through the water, it is reaching for me,
first I fall to grab and save myself,
Then for a moment, I hesitate
& think what I could be without a soul,
yet only for a moment, in time to grab my hand.

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
hello Kahdai - a few typos in this draft: my soul through the water do you mean I fail to grab? That doesn't quite make sense but it's my best guess. then for a moment? (I am guessing again) grab my hand hope that helps : )

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
Yes, mostly very helpful, thankyu insertponceyfre. , it was just a quick draft tho. If you can think of a good, short, makes-sense way of saying, ' I deliberatly fell, like dived down, onto lying on the edge of the water, to try & reach in.' that would be really helpful, some of my other poems have 'help?' afdter the name, to ask for advice, if you wouldn't mind looking. :) Kahdai

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by WillSimpson on
I see where your coming from Kahdai, once you make that dive though, there aint no going back no matter how unbearable things become. Good luck. Im reading a book by CG jung, Psychology and Alchemy and it gets very deep into some strange journey that i think you are about to embark upon.

Until we feel our thoughts our thinking remains unfelt

Submitted by WillSimpson on
Just so you know I read it like this. From under the dark I see my soul climbing Through the water, Its reaching for me first I fall to grab and save myself Then for a moment I hesitate And think what I would be without a soul But only for a moment, in time to grab my hand.

Until we feel our thoughts our thinking remains unfelt

Submitted by Kahdai on
Well I think that sounds much better! thanks Will, it as a song really in my head, so that is more how I thought it. Then you are musically minded arent you? I made that dive, even for the unbearable, thanks for the good luck, as if I do get very deep into some strange journey I could use that. How does it seem you know me better than I do? K

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "