Attacked
By kuno-chan
Sat, 17 Jul 2010
- 1340 reads
7 comments
Angry at him.
I watch what he does.
He hurts my friends,
and doesn't seem to care.
But when I confront him,
they all swoon to attack.
They yell at me from all corners,
that I am selfish
and don't know what I am talking about
I have seen first hand
the damage he's done.
He ripped out hearts
and then just walks away.
And now his girlfriend
and his best guy friend too,
decide to attack me
with rod iron fists.
He doesn't deserve her.
She just doesn't see.
When he goes to another
and begs for a kiss.
My heart is so broken,
from what he has done.
But when he is confronted,
they all fight as one!
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Comments
THis stanza is powerful: 'i
THis stanza is powerful:
'i have seen first hand
the damage he's done
he ripped out hearts
and then just walked away.'
However, I can't help thinking that a little punctuation would stop some of your meaning getting lost, enabling the reader to get more from the poem...
J x
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isn't that always the way it
Permalink Submitted by darkenwolf on
isn't that always the way it happens? Some people just don't see do they?
Nice poem
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Well, you've just put the
Well, you've just put the odd punctuation mark in, what about the rest of the poem? Read it out loud and always think about punctuating poetry as if it were prose, if it helps?
J x
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You're still missing
You're still missing apostrophes in 'doesn't', that's all! And the odd 'I' is uncapitalised, whereas most of them are correct. Strive for perfection!
J x
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