My Favourite Song

Albert of Norway and Simba the lion
Elvis, and David, the conqueror of Zion,
Kong, and that one out of Lord of the Rings
These are a few of my favourite kings

That movie where Redford’s a con artist stuntman
Scorpions’ barbs and the ex-Police frontman
Whose bedroom Olympics belittle Beijing’s
These are a few of my favourite stings

The Fountain of Youth, so beguilingly fabled,
Beppu, and Lourdes, where they cure the disabled,
Velingrad, Breitenbush, Sungai Lembing
These are a few of my favourite springs

When the dog farts
When my Nan rings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply compose some arbitrary lists
And then I don’t feel so bad

Black studded leather and garish green dayglo
Coarse woven horsehair unfastened with velcro
Pink ones you pull out your arse crack with tongs
These are a few of my favourite thongs

Point-bearded merciless despotic traitor
Ex-Lib Dem leader more ancient than paper
A vase from an era before Den Xiaoping’s
These are a few of my favourite Mings

Late Mr Crosby, his crooning harmonic,
Chandler from Friends with his wryly ironic
Middlebrow, liberal, agnostic zings
These are just two of my favourite Bings

Jimmy McCulloch and Thaddeus Richard
Geoff Britton drumming and Macca on keyboard
Linda McCartney (except when she sings)
These are my favourite members of Wings

When the milk’s gone
When the golf’s on
When I get mauled by an Irish setter
I simply remember that Bernard Manning's dead
And then I feel much, much better

When the dog farts
When my Nan rings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply compose some arbitrary lists
And then I don’t feel so bad