Firecracker

By lenchenelf

Wed, 11 Aug 2010
  • 2520 reads
6 comments
 

Edit.

Timed. The fuse burns with certainty
colour primed,
suffused in magic and rhyme.

Sequential, contained detonation
in each chamber of my heart
visionbursts a summer constellation;

fireflies of thought
dance with the moon.

Caesura of cloudform blights space,
enfolds mind back to this small earth;
how our lives swarm with doubt.

--------------------------------

4 minute doodle/1st draft

Timed. The fuse burns with certainty
primed with colour, magic and rhyme.
Sequential, contained detonation
in each chamber of my heart
visionbursts a summer constellation;

fireflies of thought
dance with the moon.

Certificate U
Doodles
Fantasy

Comments

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
Wonderful - one of those pieces that seems to hang the mind on the edge of understanding, a little intoxicated with the imagery. If we're supposed to choose, I liked the first and longer version with the world in doubt lying beneath, although I had to look up 'caesura' ... Rob

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thanks Rob for a really kind comment. The bottom piece is the 4 min draft. I used to scrap them after edit, but thought it might be interesting to keep it to compare with the above edited version. atb lena xx

 

Submitted by tcook on
I like the rewrite up to the last verse which I don't think adds anything and merely confuses. What do others think?

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thanks Tony, I'm not sure about the extra stanza, it was a literal 'after thought' in that I was trying to give a visual sense of Aura experienced prior to Migraine caused by Hughes syndrome/Lupus..the last stanza an attempt to depict the Lupus 'fog' and confusion that follows. Not that it reads that way :-) was trying for something positive out of the experience this time! Thanks again atb Lena xx

 

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
I have to say I didn't spot that reference. I wish migraine auras were always so stimulating. Mine are just a tedious half-blindness, waiting for the pain and nausea to start. But thankfully not too often ...

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Sorry to hear you have them too, they're debilitating and yes, the doodle could be called selective reportage with spin :-) atb lena xxx