Friendly lands

It was my last Saturday in the summer season of Saturday work cleaning the caravans at Ladram Bay the day before yesterday. Tomorrow I start cleaning Corals. But it is only one hour at 8.30 am Tuesday to Friday and I get my incap and my rent from my lodger so I shall still have plenty of time to do my own thing.

Pete, my friend Janes' boyfriend, sees me going into Corals to introduce myself as he is about to go in as a customer. He is an open person who always says what he thinks.

'Hi', I say 'I'm just going in.
'Are you allowed?' he says because he does not know what I will be doing there.
'Yeh', I say and explain my reason.

I go home and lie down to rest for a few hours and then I get up and go for a walk. I go through the Gardens where I catch the end of the concert in aid of the Quiet Mind centre. Mandy has a stall there selling her books and bits and bobs. I flick though the biog on Al Pacino and find one fact that to me is unexpectedly interesting. His first name is Alfredo.

I have said hello to Mandy. She still has my tent and I will have to get it back off her before next Saturday as now that I am no longer cleaning Ladram I plan to pay my £14 and camp there overnight and enjoy the scenery and the entertainment. It should be easy to retrieve it as she has given me her email and I sometimes run into her in town. Mandy stayed at my place for 2 nights before George my lodger moved in. She is now staying at another friends. She asked for my tent as an emergency measure.

Paul and his friend Mark now walk through the Gardens probably on their way to The White Horse. They see me first and in unison give me a friendly wave which I return. And seconds later the same with Mandy.

One thing I like about Mandy is that no matter how homeless she is she always looks stylish with her clothes and make-up. And she gave my clothes back before I left and the make-up was her own.

When my daughters were younger and I had my 6 months at the B&B in Bournemouth I would describe my image then as 'a bit untidy, no make-up but not a complete tramp'

These days I make more effort. I was at a girls night out a few months ago and I had let my hair go its natural grey and a woman from my old work said 'dye that hair.' It is now auburn and other women I am friendly with compliment me on the colour and on my recent weight loss.

I do not make the effort in order to be attractive to men though making the effort may have that result and that will be great if I find an alright one. I make the effort in order to be attractive to people. Because if you look attractive it probably means you can put in less effort at being social.

Exmouth does not have a very stringent dress code.

I said earlier that I like to do my own thing. My own thing is swimming at the Cranford Club (which I am certain is a lot less dear than similar leisure clubs in my native North London, and which, unlike the Leisure Centre which is funded by East Devon District Council, has a lovely sauna.); going for walks, going to the music pubs but staying sober, reading books, and sitting in my small walled yard which gets the afternoon sun. And having rambling thoughts. Often in bed and I may or may not pick up my book from the duvet cover or my bedside table. Sometimes, though not always, because I am a person who is not in a relationship with another person my hand will go between my legs. But not always. And I have always been given to rambling thoughts.

My thoughts sometimes turn to Petes' friend Mark. That one-nighter after Janes' birthday night out where we shared a small amount of information about ourselves before getting down to the main menu. Mark abruptly decided a few days after that he did not do relationships. Though he mentioned to Pete that I was 'nice'.

Well Jeni can learn from her mistakes. 'Nice' is obviously a man word for 'doormat'. Next time I am out drinking and dancing if a man shows any interest in me I should make sure I get at least 10 rum and cokes out of him and a curry on the way home. I should also talk specifically about sex instead of just doing it. And instead of lingering the following morning for a nice cup of tea I should leave abruptly after begging £20 off him and making a non-specfic promise to pay it back when I can.

That way I shall have a personality!

I wonder what to wear tomorrow when I start in Corals. The shop will not be busy at 8.30am and invisibility will be my aim. I wish I had not lost my Manpower aertex when I moved house. It was black and made me look like a professional cleaner. My two most expendable T-shirts are a brght yellow one that was getting thrown away from the the charity shop where I help out on Mondays and a bright orange one was which was my stewarding t-shirt from the Festival. So some man may well say to me 'That's very bright. I can see you show up when you're crossing the road' And am I supposed to clean the windows every day or should I only clean the bits that look smudged with fingerprints?

But sod it - it will probably turn out alright! And it's the late August Bank holiday today and it's a beautiful sunny day. I haven't yet got round to braving the sea this year. Might just do it.

(I suppose my life is much the same as a lot of peoples. Searching for the friendly lands. Striving to keep my own lands friendly.)