What Price

By swindonwoody

Wed, 10 Nov 2010
  • 787 reads
3 comments
 

what price is heaven
what price is hell
i dont know i just here you yell

what price are feelings
i cant tell
cause all i do is hear you yell

oh i know
at the start
it was not like this
sweetheart

you gave me dimonds
in the dark
you gave me hope
when i was lost
but then the spell
is broken

what price is your sane mind
what price is mine
i often wonder
seem like a lot
like alot all the time
this is going to kill me
this feeling here
oh baby i wish it would
go a way

Certificate U
Story
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
Some great sentiment expressed, but be careful with spelling and tenses, so they don't detract from your message. 'you gave me dimonds (diamonds - one of those annoying, silent letters, here!) in the dark you gave me hope when i was lost but then the spell is broken' - the tense is misaligned at the end - is this intentional? It doesn't seem to be. Perhaps 'now the spell is broken'? Just one more point: 'a lot' is two words and 'away' is one. Hope this is helpful, J x

 

Submitted by pink book on
Very affecting- well done As mentioned above, a few tweeks are needed, but the overall feel is great.

Submitted by swindonwoody on
thank yes i see think i should not doing this is the middle of the night).

maggie