My Pal Bill

Dedicated to my good friend William Whatsitworth

I blunder’d through my speech aloud
--- Upsetting both the bride and groom
Loose talk of all the girls he’d ploughed
--- With one inside this very room
Beside me now Bill sat grim-faced
Muttering something ‘bout being chaste

Though truthful were the tales I told
--- To keep the booing crowd at bay
The one they found pure solid gold
--- That girl was in the family way
Two hundred guests as one they gasped
Shaking their heads as the facts they grasped

A waitress dropped her silver tray
--- And bolted for the exit door
Bill hung his head in deep dismay
--- His new bride screaming, “She’s the whore!”
I huffed – and hawed – for show I thought
And smirked at the joy my speech had brought

Now when upon my couch I lie
--- In joyful or depressive mood
I dream of all the days gone by
--- And haven’t changed my attitude
My heart skips beats and always will
For I’m in love with my pal Bill.