the braeburn

according to wiki
the braeburn is “though to be”
the progeny of the
granny smith
&
the lady hamilton
now, don’t get me wrong
as a kid, i won’t lie, i enjoyed the granny smith
what with its unique, and if i might say,
alluring
granny smith apple © color
setting it aside from the routine
variations on the color
red
but i have never heard of the
“lady hamilton”
and i must admit
i’m a bit suspicious about the supposed parents of the
braeburn
i haven’t seen the papers on this alleged “lady hamilton” myself
and being that my trust lies with the
scientific method
well, i’d like to take the lady to the lab
and get down to the nitty-gritty on her true origin
because as far as i’m concerned she could be spawned
from the incestuous “royal” family of britian
for all i know, granny and the lady went to town on each other
and somehow produced this mutant thing we call a
braeburn
maybe it was something extraterrestrial
a gray came down and made its move on the lady
maybe the writers of the fictional god character
who worked on the jesus myth
found a need to go even further and cook themselves up another
tall tale
and create the
braeburn
you know, something along the lines of
the lady or the granny or both of em’
bein’ immaculately conceived in something like a
nativity fruit bowl
anyway
when it comes down to it
the braeburn
is what you purchase in the fruit section of your local grocery
when there are no galas or fujis
due to the fact that i fell out of the love of that
green luster
brought to us by the granny smith
basically, because my jaw does that lock up thing that happens
when you suck down some sour food
and i’m just not cool with that
anymore
the braeburn is the third choice
it shines like the fuji and the gala
but it tastes more like a mcintosh that has been frozen
losing it’s sweetness and gaining a little brown on the inside
still
lets give the braeburn props
even if it is something of a bastard malus domestica
it fulfils the need in the avid
apple consumer
no doubt, physicians in the world would recommend the braeburn
as a sufficient contender for the
“apple a’ day” placement in the lives of
healthy homo sapiens
so
in conclusion
lets give the braeburn a stamp of approval
even if it doesn’t really taste that good
and it’s the bastard of an alien, a fictious god creation or
some quirky lesbian apple sex between
granny and the lady.