Damocles

By Reid Laurence

Sun, 07 Aug 2011
  • 504 reads
1 comments
 

Sit under the sword
That hangs by a thread
And you may find out
What Damocles said
“My life is in check
And makes me unsure
A terrible wreck
Insoluble cure”

But ordinary life
No difference or sage
A book to endure
How many the page

And danger exist
Around every turn
A fire of time
The book may well burn

So sit in his place
What difference to make
When thread to consider
We all must partake

And biding of time
The sword may well fall
If by fate design
Some cardinal hall

Certificate U
Poem
Drama

Comments

Submitted by RachelPatricia on
Really enjoyed some of the wording in this, Reid Laurence, and I'm a lover of rhyme myself so this one really appealled to me. I do think that the metre breaks at certain times though, and could maybe do with 'bulking-up' a bit, if you know what I mean (?). I don't always get my own metres right and rely on the good folk here at Abc to let me know if I have or haven't, so I'm by no means an expert, it's just how it reads to me and I think this poem could be brilliant if it just had another look at and a bit of a tweak - hope you don't mind me saying so. Love the mystical/medieval 'feel' you've brought into this -'sword', 'sage', 'danger', 'cardinal' etc, this is definitely a dramatic piece, though I will be honest and say I have no idea who Damocles is but I'll be looking them up atfter posting this! Really hope my comments help in some way and thanks for a great read, it's always nice to meet another rhymer - we're a dying breed ;) Rachel :)