Korn

In the week
that I was appointed
the deputy commissioning musical entertainment officer for Ealing Technical College
the commissioning entertainment officer was
killed
by a piano that fell
accidentally
out of the window
of the musical entertainment office

unlucky and ironic

thus I was elevated
and with the annual Ealing Technical College Music Festival only a month away
it became my responsibility
to book the headlining act

I had intended to book Korn
Korn are an American nu metal band from Bakersfield, California, formed in 1993
who have sold over 50 million albums worldwide

unfortunately I booked Corn
Corn are a Hungarian brother and sister duo who sing medieval agrarian folk couplets
backed by their father
Zsombor
on the harpsichord

Corn have sold no albums worldwide

the type of people who are interested in attending a concert headlined by the popular American band Korn
are less likely to enjoy a concert headlined by Corn
who are not popular in America
nor it transpired
are they even popular in the town of Pusztaszabolcs
where they are based

I discovered this on the morning of the “gig” when Zsombar who is 64 and clinically obese
unloaded his harpsichord from the back of a camper van
and was very evidently not
a member of the popular American Nu metal band Korn

a hurried telephone call Korn’s “people” provided the unhappy news that Korn were not indeed free that evening
so we persevered with Corn
which with the benefit of hindsight
was a mistake
I was never permitted to repeat