That Old Brown Cow (she ain’t what she used to be) A Brown Cow and Slinky Dress IP

When Theodora, the brown cow, saw Old McDonald come into the barn carrying the slinky dress, she knew a particular sheep would be dining by candlelight that very night.

Ginger, the ewe in question, had been through this before with the old farmer:

Moonlight cruises down the Harlan river.
Local theater productions of A Chorus Line.
Antique hunting in that chic little village with the charming tea shops.
Brunch at the Horses Ass Inn.

But through it all Ginger always managed to avoid a sleep-over.

Theodora symphatized and thought she might divert the old man’s advances, get his mind on other activities, like checkers or darts. Even cow tipping, if it would keep him away from Ginger.

Maybe I can play matchmaker, thought Theodora.

”That‘s quite a lovely dress,” said Theodora to the farmer.

“Got it from that Victory Secrets catalog,” said McDonald. “Aptly named, I should say, as I plan on having me a victory this very evening.”

”I‘ll bet that Johansson widow next door,” said Theodora, “would kill for a dress like that. Yes, I bet you could get real lucky giving a woman a dress like that.”

“You’re really taken with this dress, ain’t ya, Theodora?” said McDonald.

“It’s pretty alright,” Said Theodora, “ but like I was saying, the widow next door hasn’t been out of the house in--”

“How long’s it been,” said McDonald, “ since you been anywhere, Theodora?”

“Well I-I-”

“And did I ever tell you that you have the prettiest eyes?”

“But I-”

“You know,” said McDonald, “with a few alterations I might get me some better use out of this dress. Yes, in deedy, Theodora. You and I could have us a time. I really know how to paint the old barn red!”

“You don’t understa--”

“You let me make all the arrangements, and don’t you stop looking so pretty while I’m gone. I’ve taken quite a shine to you, sweetheart.”

When old McDonald left the barn, Theodora just about fell over.

“What on earth just happened?” she said aloud.

Later that night, under a shining harvest moon, a certain cow and lone sheep could be seen slinking along old barn wall, bows and arrows at the ready.

“Did you get a good look at that dress?” said Theodora. “Hideous!”

“It was damn ugly!” said Ginger.

At farmer Brown’s funeral, out of respect for the old farmer, Theodora and Ginger wore a traditional black ensemble.

Sometimes a girl's just got to say no.