The Human Rights Cat

The Human Rights Cat has dedicated its life to ensuring human rights for its owners.

Like the right to have a dead mouse on your floor. The Human Rights Cat goes to enormous lengths every day to catch and kill a mouse (occasionally a vole) and leave it on the kitchen floor, beside the cooker.

There are fundamental rights that every cat believes humans are entitled to. Like the right to have your garden dug up and have turds distributed generously across your lawn.

The Human Rights Cat never pauses, working 24 hours day and night, ensuring that all humans in the neighborhood are assured of their right to have their sleep disturbed by wailing late at night and in the early morn. Not many people know this, but to get their voices at just the right pitch to annoy cats have to go through the rigorous vocal training equivalent to that of a professional singer.

The Human Rights Cat has been in the news a lot this week. Teresa May has threatened to set her English Bulldog on it if it shows up in her garden, whilst that nice Mr Clarke (the man who made cigars free on the NHS) always puts out a saucer of milk.

Personally I never understand the people who say 'send the cats back where they come from'. My cat comes from Romford, I wouldn't send it there.