Untouched but not unloved.

Its seems unfair that I was unable to touch. To hold my child or even wipe away their first tear. I wondered if its god's way of punishment for the doubts that lingered through my head. After all three children would be so hard, but wants the niggling worries of financial and emotional burdens disappeared. I knew you were mine for the rest of my years. The thoughts of bottles and prams and unconditional love overwhelmed my everyday thoughts, the pride and excitement were bursting threw me like the midday sun.
Then on the tragic day September the 1st you left me and became gods not mine and joined the angels in the sky. After that day, I grieved for a child I didn't know, I wasn't even sure if you were a boy or a girl.
I imagined a child as beautiful as your siblings, and I felt the lose that no women should ever have to go through.
So, four years on your still in my thoughts the lost love I never got to know
what I would give for one touch or glimpse of your angelic face or the smell that all new babies holds. But for now I have to wait until our souls meet again,
so goodnight my child, I hope you are near, mummy loves you very much and wishes you are here.