Full-Frontal Cookery

Tinkle Velocipede – undoubtedly – gained her all-too vital celebrity status in the UK when she combined the two – up to then - entirely separate genres of TV cookery programme and full-frontal nudity.

Of course, other female TV cooks had experimented with innuendo and sexual suggestion, but had always remained fully clothed, if displaying sometimes more thigh and/or cleavage than most would consider suitable for the kitchen environment, even a mocked-up one in a TV studio, but Velocipede was the first TV cook to perform slow-motion pancake flipping whilst topless, with many male viewers expressing admiration for her strong wrist action and the seeming slow-motion reaction of her more than ample bosom-region to the effects of gravity.

That pilot show of Velocipede’s Full-Frontal Cookery recoded the then-highest viewing figures ever for a cookery show and thus ensured that not only the rest of the series would be shown, but also enabled Velocipede’s agent to secure a contract for a further 6 series, including the now world-famous clip from series three of Velocipede furiously grating cheese on the deck of an ocean-going fishing trawler during a force-ten gale that has now become easily the most-viewed clip on YouTube for the fourth year running.

In addition, to prevent the show becoming stale, the producers have lately introduced the now seemingly essential amateur cook segment, when Velocipede provides hands-on experience for an amateur wishing to take up naked cookery, with the All-Amateur Naked Male Chef Blindfolded Sausage Sizzle Challenge Contest proving very popular with those that enjoy the spectacle of dangerous extreme sport and the sense of excitement it brings to the cookery programme genre.

The First 'Tales of the Unexpurgated' book is available here for the Kindle.