7.45am to Central.

Cherry

By ScoZen

Mon, 20 Feb 2012
  • 3131 reads
16 comments
 

they hang
from leather loops
cloth wrapped meat
destined for abattoirs
of chrome and glass
swaying in silence
dead eyed
ears plastic wrapped
to numbing music
lurch left pitch right
hold tight arms stretch
skin art display
the blue swallows
flight to nowhere
charm bracelet
silver hares leaping
charity bands
false promises of hope
red lines
self harmer revealed
flash timepiece
muggers clock
diamond ring
hollow stone
slowing to a halt
herded out to
pens and booths
slaves to box talk
and screen chatter

Certificate U
Poem
Poetry with L plates on.
Travel

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I think you can take them 'L' plates off now, ScoZen. Brilliant stuff;-) Sand Lady

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
Much appreciated feedback Sand Lady but I think the 'L' plates need to stay a bit longer. ps Picking up hints from your good self
ScoZen

Submitted by scratch on
Well now, if that doesn't get a pick I'll eat my hat.

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
A thank you scratch for a positive pat on the back, but save your hat for a rainy day. Thanks again. ps due read your ASBO tale.
ScoZen

Submitted by scratch on
It seems to have a step-change from line nine, a sort of revving effect. Good job ScoZen.

 

Submitted by blighters rock on
And that's when they're fresh as daisies! You should definitely do one for the 5.59pm to Commuterton. You've captured the cold, arbitrary, soulless insanity of the urban journey with mind-numbing precision. The suited and booted seem to look straight through me when I smile at them on the Waterloo-Woking train, and while I'm sure they don't mean to, I dread to think what's in their heads. Scarier than any Final Destination. Brilliantly visual in high-contrast Eraserhead black and white, this is one of those poems I feel a cuticle-gnawing need to emulate, and even when I'm quite sure there's nothing I could do to better its aneasthetic quality, the urge grows like a thought of Frankenstein's. Delicious.

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
Hello there blighters. Thanks for your feedback. I'm sure you could produce a brilliant view on the "...soulless insanity of the urban journey..." Go on, quick, before you miss "...the Waterloo- Woking train..." Regards
ScoZen

Submitted by Frances Macaula... on
Fab-u-lous! I really like your approach, the metaphores and short, sharp observation clearly expressed. This is very good and I agree, deserves a cherry :o)) I've also commented on riding the rails in Oz... in my chapbook 'Rail Tales'. Check out my (updated but still in progress) website: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com

Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/search?q=FrancesMF

Submitted by ScoZen on
A thank you to you Francis for such a positive review. And...I have popped into your web site, lovely and you are an artist to boot, envy, envy! Regards.
ScoZen

Submitted by Frances Macaula... on
Fab-u-lous! I really like... Sorry this comment seems to have posted twice!

Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/search?q=FrancesMF

Submitted by celticman on
yeh, bit of hipsway there.

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
I was going to include Todger hanging from his lead. But then I thought he would bit someones ear off. Thanks for comment,appreciated.
ScoZen

Submitted by shoe on
Yep, you've qualified. Nicely done Scozzie!

 

Submitted by ScoZen on
My little shoe, hello. A thanks to you, I'm blushing now.
ScoZen

Submitted by ScoZen on
A thank you dear Eds for the cherry. And a another thanks to all who read and commented.
ScoZen

Submitted by thanksforthepar... on
I especially enjoyed the first few lines...you've totally captured the scene there, although its pretty grim, having such great poems written about it seems to help somehow...