Julian asks about Sausages

"Mum, I'm not eating sausages anymore"

8.10am spot on as usual,coco pops have kicked in.Wonder where this has come from?

"Why's that darling"

It's bound to be something Tommy Atkins has said!

"Tommy Atkins said that they are pigs willys"

Thought so!

"Of course they aren't darling, we wouldn't eat Pigs willys would we now"

"So what are they then?"

Shit, not quite sure myself.

"Well they are a mixture of meats and bread and spices, all put together to make sausage"

Not bad if I say so myself.

"What sorts of meats?"

Damn!

"Nice pieces, like Pork chops and steaks, you like all those don't you?"

"But they don't look like chops and steak!"

"That's because they've been chopped up into small pieces"

Good answer.

"So they're not Pigs Willys then?"

"No, Tommy Atkins was wrong"

As he is all the time, thats what comes of living with a tramp as a mother!!

"He also said that they were wrapped in pigs bum skin"

"What?"

"Tommy Atkins said that sausages were Pigs Willys wrapped in bum skin"

"Well he's wrong!"

Ok stop shouting, calm down, don't get worked up.

"What are they wrapped in then?"

"Some other sort of skin"

"What skin, leg?"

"No"

"Back"

"No"

"Arm"

"NO!, just another part of the pig!"

Jesus, it's only 8.15 and I'm already stressed.Speak slowly and quietly and tell him the truth.

"OK, sausages are pieces of meat cut up really small, then mixed with some small pieces of bread and a few spices then wrapped in a nice pretend skin.

"Pretend skin?"

"Yes, pretend skin that you can eat"

That should do it.

"I'm going to ask Mrs Cavanagh about pretend skin, she's a teacher and she should know all about it"

"No, no, you don't want to go bothering Mrs Cavanagh she's far too busy"

Probably think your Mums some sort of nutter.

"But Mrs Cavanagh always says we should talk to her if we don't understand anything and I don't understand pretend skin!"

"No, look it's very simple, sausages are nice, we don't need to know any more than that do we?"

"I think I'll just ask her about the Pigs Willys and bum skin and see what she says"

"I'll tell you what, how about we don't have anymore sausages, they're probably not that nice anyway and we won't say anymore about it"

"Ok"

"Now eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"