Loneliness! (I P)

‘Loneliness’ I P

As I stood propped up against the wall in this crowded room, Loneliness, my old companion, suddenly entered the room and headed straight for me. It hit me so hard in the solar plexus that it almost made me gasp. I had thought things would be different tonight. Joe was such a good host and he always put himself out to be nice to me. His friends seemed nice too, not that I really knew any of them so I had come…hopeful! But it was no different. I leant against the wall listening to all of them talking, laughing, whilst I, as usual, seemed invisible but then, suddenly, the atmosphere changed. He was easily the most attractive man in the room, the tallest, most distinguished looking and he was coming straight towards me… He had almost reached me when the blonde predator - whom I had noticed earlier, circling the guests, like a sparrow hawk looking for prey - deliberately pushed her way between us.

“Hello, I know you, don’t I? She said.
“I don’t think so” he replied.
“Yes, now let me see… just give me a moment…I know, it was at Lucinda’s. Lucinda’s party.”
“I don’t know a Lucinda” he said.
“Don’t be absurd. Everyone knows Lucinda.”
“Well, not me” he said irritably.

I could sense he was disturbed by the blonde’s persistence and his eyes were darting about looking for a distraction or perhaps, even, a way out but she wouldn’t let it go.

“I definitely saw you there at her party.” said Blondie. “Lucinda always manages to get the best looking men to go to her parties and I would never have mistaken you so it does you no credit to deny it. There’s not a bat in hell’s chance you could be confused for someone else…not with a face like yours.” She smiled but the smile never quite reached her eyes.
“Madam, you are mistaken. I’m sorry but I really am not acquainted with your friend, however disappointing that news might be. Now if you please…”
“Liar!” was her confrontational response and the room went quiet as everyone turned to look at the two of them.

I was embarrassed by the sudden silence and I felt deeply sorry for the man as he looked around in desperation. I don’t usually act on impulse and I don’t know what made me do it but I stepped towards him and took hold of his hand.
“Hello” I said. “I never expected to see you here. I never realized you knew Joe.”
“Oh, yes,” he said, looking mightily relieved “I’ve known him for years. We used to work together but it’s lovely to see you again. Let’s get some drinks, look see, your glass is empty and perhaps we could go over by the window where it’s a bit quieter and you can tell me all your news.”

Still holding hands we made towards the kitchen to get ourselves a drink before the Predator could call us back to suffer another one of her embarrassing accusations. Why did the name Lucinda sound vaguely familiar, I thought, as we attempted our getaway between the lines of disappointed faces? I don’t know why but I can never seem to remember things very well now but that name…Lucinda… it did sound familiar.
“So, where was it you worked with Joe?” I asked.
“The docks...shipping company” he said.
“Oh yes, I remember him telling me he used to be a ship’s doctor but then he settled for a land based job because he thought it was time to put down some roots” I said, trying to make conversation so as not to lose him.
“Though I hope it wasn’t the one that’s been in the news recently. The one where that woman’s body was found in a crate marked for South Africa”
“As a matter of fact…yes, it was for the same company.” He said.

I didn’t know how to respond to that even though I had read about the body but the name of the shipping company had not registered. The story had made the national as well as the local newspapers. We both stood silent not sure how to proceed after that particular revelation. We got our drinks but as I went to walk back into the room he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the hall.
“Look” he said. “I’ve got to get out of this place right now but I don’t want anyone to know I’ve gone. Will you help me?”

He looked utterly desperate and my heart went out to him. Whatever trouble he was in I felt I had to go along with him. I had to help. Right or wrong!
“Is it because of that dreadful woman” I said. “Does she know something about you?”
“She thinks she does” he said “but she’s wrong…not that a little detail like that will stop her.
“Why, do you know her?” I said, surprised.
“No, but I know her type. They are all the same…women like her…persistent.”
“What do you mean?” I said “Persistent?” “Persistent perhaps is the wrong word…gossip…women like her…they just love to gossip. They don’t care if they’ve got their facts straight. They just want to cause a stir. You saw what she did in there…drawing attention to us in the way that she did.
“No” I said. “She didn’t draw attention to me. It was you she was interested in.”

He looked at me then with such a forlorn look that my heart melted and I would have done anything to retract what I had said but nevertheless, I still felt uneasy. This man, this stranger, had a completely hypnotic effect on me and I couldn’t help wondering why it was that I felt obliged to help him. He was nothing to me. I had only pretended to know him. Although there was something about him…no, don’t be silly…I had never seen him…yet… But why had I pretended to know him? Why had I done that? It was completely out of character but it was true I had come to this party hoping something would change well something was changing but I couldn’t get my head round it. If anything good was coming my way then surely it was going to come from this interesting man. A man that normally would be way beyond anything I could hope for. Yet he seemed genuinely interested in me. I loved this new experience and I didn’t want to lose it so I knew I would go along with his plan… I know what you’re thinking. You stupid woman…he’s using you! Of course he was but I didn’t care. This might be my last chance of happiness and I’m not going to let it go without a fight. He was gorgeous and I kept thinking how differently people would look at me if I entered a room hanging on the arm of such a handsome man.
“So, will you help me?” he repeated.
“All right, tell me what you want me to do.” I said.
“I want you to go back in there and pretend that I’m taking an important phone call and will be back in a minute. Make straight for…be sure to tell the blonde woman, the one that made the scene.”
“Okay, but what are you going to do? Where are you going and are you coming back?”
“I’ll try” he said, without any real conviction.

I was going to do as he asked but I was going to lose him anyway. I felt cheated but I knew I would carry out his instructions to the letter. “At least tell me your name” I said.
“Matthew, it’s Matthew.”
“Matthew what?”
“Um…Um…Fellowes!” he said, seeming almost to have forgotten his own name in his hurry to be gone as he made for the front door. He looked back, gave me a grateful smile and disappeared out into the night. So that’s that I thought as I went to go back to the other guests but as I did I noticed a box under the stairs. I hadn’t noticed it before but it caught my attention now all right. That was because the name printed on the side of the box was…Fellowes!

As I re-entered the room the blonde came striding purposefully towards me.
“Where is he?" she said “your friend?”
“He’s in the hall, taking an important business call.”

She went to make for the hall but I grabbed her arm.
“It’s a private call that’s why I left him to it but tell me why you think you know him and why you think he was at…at…why you think he was at …at…at that woman’s party?”

She looked at me with a curious expression and I wondered what was going on in her head at this moment. Earlier, when I had been people watching I had noticed her working the room like a pro. Yes, yes, that was it, that was what had struck me earlier. She did seem to be going from person to person systematically, as if she were questioning them. Why?

It was Joe who broke the news as he came in from the kitchen.
“It’s just been on the radio. That body…the woman’s body that was found in the crate…going to South Africa.”

Everyone in the room fell silent, looking expectantly at Joe.
“You’re not going to believe this…”
“Believe what?” said a young man leaning casually against a wall unit looking bored.
“They’ve just announced…the police have just announced…”
“Oh for goodness sake, spit it out, Joe” said another, much older, man.
“Yes, come on Joe don’t keep us in suspense.” said someone else.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the blonde bombshell. She didn’t react at all. She didn’t seem to be the slightest bit interested in what Joe had to say. It was as if she already knew. Did she know? Earlier she had seemed to be questioning people and I felt a strange unease about what it was that Joe was about to tell us.

“Lucinda…that woman’s body…it’s Lucinda…”

Oh my God. I was suddenly afraid. Matthew had denied going to Lucinda’s party; had vehemently denied even knowing her. Then there was that business with his name. Fellowes, had he taken it off the box just to shut me up. I know I get things confused but the name business…it did seem odd. No, Joe knew him, had even worked with him at that same shipping company! The one where the crate had been found! I must speak to Joe. He could clear this up in seconds. He would know his name.
“Joe, Joe, How long ago was it that you worked with Matthew?” I asked.
“Who?” said Joe, perplexed.
“Matthew” I said. “You worked with him at that shipping company where you were the company doctor.”
“Did I?” he said. “And who’s Matthew? Is he the guy you came with?”
“No…he’s one of your friends.” I said.
“Jody, I’ve never clapped eyes on him before tonight. Every time I came into the room you were talking to him so I presumed…” he tailed off. Looking to where my eyes were riveted.

The blonde was talking into a mobile phone. “All points alert the suspect has left the building. I repeat the suspect has left…”

My God, that was why she was working the room so systematically. She was police, a detective by the looks and she was after Matthew. Matthew, I wondered if that was his real name too… especially as I knew he had lied about his name being Fellowes. I felt a hard lump in the pit of my stomach. Why do I always get it wrong? Now that I had had the opportunity to speak with Matthew I had taken to him straight away. Story of my life really…always getting it wrong! This was turning into another Lucinda saga. I had thought she was my friend. I had even confided in her that I liked Matthew. Yes despite all his denials he was there …at Lucinda’s party. The haze was lifting and it was all coming back. I thought he had seemed familiar but now it was all very clear. The blonde was right. There could be no mistake with a face like his but what I couldn’t understand was that Joe didn’t seem to remember him even though he was at Lucinda’s party too, especially with Matthew looking so distinguished and being so tall but then again Joe was always more interested in the ladies. Of course I didn’t know his name was Matthew then…though come to think of it I didn’t know if his name was Matthew now. Then I remembered Lucinda laughing at me.

“He’s way out of your league, love.” She had mocked. “He’s never going to go for an insipid little moth like you when there are so many beautiful butterflies for him to choose from.” And with that she walked off to join a group she knew well and before long they were all giggling and laughing, once or twice looking over at me but, by then, I was happy to become invisible again which made me sad, not angry, well, not then anyway.

Joe must have seen me looking sad because he came straight over and asked me to dance.

“Come on, Jody, cheer up let’s have a dance?”

That’s what I mean about Joe always being nice to me but I still refused him.
“No, Joe, I’m sorry but I’ve got a headache, I’m going home.”
“Oh, that’s a shame. Will you be alright getting back? Shall I order you a taxi?”
“No, I’m just about to. I’ll see you around.” And with that I went to the hall to get my coat and use the phone before making for the front door.

I stood outside looking up at the flat for what seemed like hours as I counted them out, the smart, affluent men and the butterflies! But Matthew was still in there and Lucinda was the only butterfly left. I soon found the key from the bunch I had picked up from the hall table when I pretended to order a taxi and I quietly let myself back into her flat. Standing very still in the hall I could see into one of the bedrooms and I saw him lying face down on the bed completely out of it but there was no sign of Lucinda. Then I heard her bustling about in the kitchen.

“Oh, what are you doing still here?” She said, surprised, when she turned and saw me standing in the doorway. “I was told you had gone home with a headache. Was it disappointment that brought it on, dear?” She mocked. “Disappointment seems to be laying in wait for you tonight, sweetie, because the object of your affections is lying on my bed waiting for me even as we speak.”

But I didn’t need to speak…I just pulled out the knife and slit her throat. She had such a surprised look on her face as she died. Then I left...satisfied!

It must have been him, Matthew, that had crated her up and South Africa seemed to me like a good destination for a dead body so I had no complaints but unfortunately the best laid plans and all that. Still, with my help he had done a runner so that took the heat off me so everything was mapping out quite nicely.

Blondie, the predator, having broken cover had long since gone and the other guests were all in deep conversation about the night’s events but I was not included so I thought it best to make a move. No point in sticking around so I went to get my coat.
“Oh, are you going, Jody?” Joe enquired.
“Yes”
“This business with Lucinda…you mustn’t let it upset you!”

I couldn’t speak because it was all I could do not to laugh so I just shook my head as I struggled into my coat.

“Well be sure to come to the surgery tomorrow to collect your prescription. It’s been over a week now and it’s not a good idea to stop taking the tablets so abruptly. You could have a relapse.

“Okay.” I said, regaining my composure but inwardly smiling as I thought how horrified he would be if he knew how long it had been since I had stopped taking the tablets but I was irritated too by the way he reminded me he wasn’t really my friend…just my doctor! But I couldn’t let him know how I felt now, could I? Yes, it had all turned out very well, I thought, as I shut the front door feeling the cold, exhilarating air, brush my face as I started to walk home happier than I had been for a long time. I had come here tonight wanting things to change…well they had. They say you always remember your first and, now that my memory was coming back, Lucinda with that silly look on her face was certainly someone I would never forget…

Then out of the shadows stepped Blondie “Jody Fellowes, I would like you to accompany me to the station” she said.

That was how I knew Matthew had lied about his name because it was my box under the stairs with my name printed on it. In the hospital I had been taught how to make celebration cakes and I had brought one with me tonight for Joe’s birthday.

Then Blondie said “You have been under surveillance for some time now and I need you to answer some questions down at the station regarding the death of Lucinda Barratt”

"Where are the others?" I said.

"What others? There's no one else!"

Blondie, like Lucinda, also died with a surprised look on her face and I thought it’s not true what they say about always remembering your first. I knew I would remember my second too. Now that I had stopped taking the medication… my memory was getting so much better!

END