A Visit to the Coroner's

By Thenordicavenger

Sat, 04 Aug 2012

955 reads

5 comments

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr. Getz. Do you feel ready to identify the body?
“Yes. As much as…well, you know.”
“Yes, sir. I can’t imagine how this must be for you.”
“What else can you tell me?”
The coroner considered Getz for a moment. His face betrayed his shock and terrible grief. He decided that withholding the heavy truth was not the right thing and hoped that someone would do the same for him were the tables reversed.
“The woman we found in your car was killed instantly when the truck collided with it while parked on the side of the road. The other person-“
“Other person?” Getz interrupted icily. “What do you mean?”
The coroner slapped himself mentally, but it was too late to go back now. “We identified the other passenger in your car as your brother, Lou Getz.”
“Lou and my wife? What in the world were they…?” Then Getz read the coroner’s troubled and uncomfortable expression. “Oh. Let’s get this over with then.”
The coroner opened the metal door, slid the body out, and pulled back the sheet.
Getz gasped in horror. “That’s not her. “
“Who…?” ventured the coroner, discomfited.
“It’s my sister.”

Comments

I may be having a senior

Permalink Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on Sun, 2012-08-05 21:07

I may be having a senior moment but I have read this twice and don't quite get the point. Was it the coroner's sister? Sorry if I'm being thick! Linda

Linda

Thanks, Linda. I fouled up

Permalink Submitted by Thenordicavenger on Sun, 2012-08-05 21:16

Thanks, Linda. I fouled up one word. Thanks for catching it! "Excuses are the cobblestones on the pathway to nowhere."

"Excuses are the cobblestones on the pathway to nowhere."

I thought that might be it.

Permalink Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on Sun, 2012-08-05 21:44

I thought that might be it. Now you're talking. Good story! Linda

Linda

I think I get this. But it

Permalink Submitted by Sooz006 on Mon, 2012-08-06 12:58

I think I get this. But it isn't clear when it's his sister, and not his partner, whether this is fine. Big sigh of relief that his wife wasn't having it away with his brother 'Oh that's alright, then. It's not her it's my sister.' or whether the implication is that it was an incestuous relationship between brother and sister, but if that was the case, how could he know that from a car parked up? Flash fiction is great when all the information that you need to give fits into it. To me, this one is just a few words short of being clear. The coroner considered Getz for a moment. His face betrayed his shock and terrible grief... why was the coroner feeling terrible guilt? Surely it's just a normal work situation for him. I want more. I get the feeling that this is good, but it left me feeling as though only half the story had been told. I can fill in the blanks for myself, but I'd rather the words were there. If you want to keep it to 200 wc how about looking again at where you can lose some fluff to add a few more relevant details. I really want to understand your meaning.

Thanks for the critique. It

Permalink Submitted by Thenordicavenger on Mon, 2012-08-06 16:48

Thanks for the critique. It is difficult to pack all the information into two hundred words that I think you're asking for, and I will see what I can do. I also think that there is fluff I could cut, but I think that having the reader draw his or her own conclusions as to what happened from the blanks is equally rewarding (when I'm a reader I find it stimulating, engaging, and it makes me feel clever for having figured it out). I will work on making the coroner more fleshed out (pun intended) and perhaps that will help give it the punch you suggested. Once again, thanks for your comments and critique. I always appreciate them! "Excuses are the cobblestones on the pathway to nowhere."