As the song says, 'The day before you came' ..

As you know, ANY job is important. Across the board, we all make a contribution to the world we live in. My particular area is helping men pick out clothes to wear! I absolutely LOVE my job. The money is crap, that's the word that springs to mind, however l can take any shape or size and hey presto, he's looking sharp, funky, slimmer and happier than he was before. Easy peasy.

Friday afternoon, l approached a man who was staring at a pile of neatly folded chinos. After a few pleasantries were exchanged, he quietly told me he needed some trousers, as he had lost weight. My first impression of him was, tanned, fit, very handsome and decent shape, but his clothes were definately drowning him. He wanted a particular brand, so l sifted through the pile looking for his size. None there, quick check on our terminal, two pairs in his size in stockroom, so l ran up six floors to get them, back down through the huge grand hall on the ground floor thatI is our menswear department, opposite Edinburgh Castle. l was boiling, needing a drink of water, my tea break and a sit down. Nae chance ..

As l said, Friday mid afternoon is heaving with end-of-the-month, just paid lads who are willing to spend a few hundred quid on a night out in Edinburgh. So, en route and on return l was being asked where were the toilets, how much is this, what goes with that. Old ladies passing through to catch the lift to hairdressers on fifth floor. Ladies-who-lunch laughing and leaving to head round the corner to the funky bars in George Street. Teen boys preening themselves in massive mirrors. Yummy mummies who look like they'd stepped out of a glossy magazine! Oh boy ..

I managed to pick out the gentleman as l hurried downstairs. He was just standing waiting, and l sneaked a quick piece of gum out my pocket, swipe of gloss and a skoosh of the new Gucci for men on a glistening, black and gold stand. The pee would have to wait, as that was too out-of-the-way, and poor fella needed his breeks, pronto.

'Sorry to keep you. Oh, am aw puffed!', l blurted out, as l do!

'It's ok. Am not in a hurry. My car's in the car park across at Harvey Nicols'. Plenty of time. When do you close?'.

'Jenners is open till ten tonight, but l finish at six'.

He looked at me and asked why l was, finishing at six.

'I have to get up to my other job. In the big Festival Theatre. We have The Susan Boyle story this week. It's really good. Thought it would be boring and pointless, but the actress who plays her, Elaine C Smith, has a beautiful voice, and its all about being bullied, different to the rest. I love it'

He was listening to me, and it was like we were old friends. Nice teeth. I like teeth.

I heard from him that he needed a few bits, as he'd dropped over two stone. I knew exactly what to collect from the brands we sold. In my head, l was picturing this shirt, that belt, those shoes, as l normally do.

We went to the cosy, quiet fitting room l use for the personal shopping malarkey, and he put on the chinos he had chosen. He opened the door and asked what l thought.

'Honestly? Mmmm. They ain't 'you'. Too 'old man!'.

'You think? What do you suggest'.

Right. Here we go. Full steam ahead for the Dee master.

'Have a wee seat, and l will bring you a couple if things to try on. If you aren't happy with them, we can wander round and have a peek. Ok with that?'

I briefed my colleagues that l was with someone, as it was only respectful on such a busy afternoon. The new lassie took my place on Ralph Lauren Polo.

I literally ran and plucked out this and that, and a bit of the other.
I wondered if he was married, trying not to sound like Dick Emery!

'Try that on. What's your name? Ok, Alan. You don't think you'll suit that colour? Well. You have dark skin, and these are brand new season, so could you just slip them on, and it will help me for future reference, kind of thing'

I took out the many pins, collar stuffers, unbuttoned the front and cuffs, shoved in the gorgeous, soft pink checked Ralph Polo shirt in a large. Along with some Boss Black label black paper thin very lovely chinos, a pair of Paul Smith shoes, a Boss, brown one side, black the other, reversable belt, an Armani coat and Paul Smith scarf.

'Just bung em on and see how you feel. Sorry if am a bossy boots, but l think you will look the business'.

He had said he was going to a wedding in Italy, and a night in Edinburgh, Saturday. With yer missus, lucky thing, l thought, but still chatting at him through the closed door.

I had to pee, so l excused myself and ran up to our staff loo.
That's better. It was my tea break, but it didn't matter. I must get Al sorted oot!

'Till you come back to me' by Aretha Franklin was playing. I wonder if Andy is missing me ..

'Knock knock. It's Denise. How you gettin' on. I brought you a drink of water.'

The door opened, and this, em, thing, stood in front of me.

'Oh my goodness! You look incredible. Turn round, can l see the back?'

Bloody hell. He's GORGEOUS. (Sorry Mr Emery)

'How do you feel. Can you slip the jacket on? Here. I can fix the scarf. Let me help with the shoes'.

I fiddled around with cuffs, collars, tied laces and he stood looking at me like a little boy. We both smiled comfortably.

'There. Perfect. How do you feel, Alan'.

'Ma kids won't know me. Ma son's always sayin' whot a skinflint l am. Can you find me some more, as l may as well get it sorted while your here. Can you do that?'.

If he's going into town tomorrow night, he'll be swamped with the young things in their fake, fashion, false, fingernailed finery.

'Do you think al find a burd!'.

Ever the professional, l replied, 'pulenty, Al'.

I laughed, but bit fed up inside, as l was daydreaming about how sweet, and gentle and totally scrummy he was. Nice eyes ..

I felt as if l was 'dressing', as in a celebrity or a film star. I was so enthusiastic, there was no awkwardness or resistance about my choices. I knew he was appreciating my attention to detail.

I felt it would be appropriate to ask him why he lost weight. Had he been unwell? On a strict regime? Oh dear. His wife had died. He was getting back into circulation. Just come back from sailing in Lanzarote, and planning to go back soon, but no fun on your own, he's telling me.

Now, l wanted to hug him, as l could feel how sad he was, but that was in ma heid, of course. Daffy D style, so l got on with my work.

I was listening to him say that it was time to sort out his bigger clothes, and how much he appreciated my help. He wanted to buy everything l had brought, and seemed genuinely pleased. I suggested that any of his old but nice shirts could be altered, and to donate his other, bigger clothes to charity.

As he was getting changed, the other staff had all heard of Denise and her customer.

'Get in there, Dennis. He's smitten by you. Stands out a mile'.

'Ssssssshhhhh. Shu up, yooz! Naffoff!!'

'Hey, Denzel .. wot you bin doin' in the cubicle!?'.

'Bugger off, you lot. He'll hear!!!'.

Alan stepped out of the changing room, and two of my male, always calm, kind young workmates folded, wrapped and chatted with my customer as l put the goods through the till. Whew. That's that. Good job, Dee ..

'It's a pity you're going to work now, as l would love to buy you a glass of wine. Oh. I mean, if you're unattached'.

I beg your pardon ..

Kick. Workmate kicks me under the table.

Another kick kick.

'Yep. She's unattached. Aren't you, Denise. And she does love a glass of the old wine! Don't you, DEN EES'.

Shove kick poke ..

By now, all the flippin' folk l work with were bobbin' up an' down to see who the big spender was. Heads were appearing from all manner of places! Behind huge pillars, over the stands and signs, bobbing up and around like those meercat things off the telly. Even the the security boys and cafe girls next door had heard of the three hour, three grand afternoon, so l was fingers crossed that all the winking, thumbs-up ing, and giggling carry-on was totally missed by my customer. Thankfully!

Glaring with a wide-eyed warning to my colleague who was frantically stuffing the goods with tissue paper, into shiny carrier bags and suit covers, but still smiling and chatting, Alan continues, 'l could take your number, and if you like, we could meet up when you're free. To thank you properly for all your help and patience'.

Now. I know folk might think, what a load of garbage. It's only clothes. There are more important things going on on the planet, but look here.

This man left with a new wardrobe for his new life to go with his new body, and l felt a sense of achievement as it all helps to keep those bloomin' bosses happy. I hope you understand.

And. Yes. He did call me. Sweet.

Oh, and my shins are just fine ..