Moon Pumpkins

It is autumn, a time when the moon pays particular attention to pumpkin patches and children.

"The children seem to admire my phases," said the moon. "My crescent form puts them in a whimsical mood. They imagine me sleeping, and so they tiptoe through the countryside; hushing each other and laughing. 'Quiet,' they whisper, 'or you'll wake up the sleepy ol' moon.'

"When I show them my better half, they are charmed, and wonder what my dark side is up to. They steal kisses from each other and yearn for acceptance.

"When I am whole again, they sing and dance and help with the harvest. It's an enchanting spectacle."

On this particular evening we find the moon with its eye upon farmer O'Day, who is sharing his views about pumpkins with farmer McTooey.

"Yes! I say," says farmer O'Day. "It's bigger than your one, any old day!"

"Hogwash and phooey!" says farmer McTooey. "My pumpkins, this year, are as big as St. Louie!"

"Bowlderdash!"

"Hooey!"

"Your uncle!"

"You're screwy!"

The farmers harrumphed and spat out, "Ptooey!"

The children all sighed.

The moon sighed as well.

A tornado slid by and all went kablooey!

Over the next few seconds, the twister scattered an array of several thousand pumpkins; a crowd of cows; some angry fowls; an assortment of squash; a cat named Josh; and a biker named Alvin Von Rodderdam.

The children found safety in a storm cellar. All else ended up in Antarctica, where the farmer’s opened a frozen pumpkin pie factory.

They’re expected to expand into frozen dairy products and chicken parts sometime in the near future.

Josh and the biker were last seen soaring over the Grand Coulee Dam.

The squash went unnoticed and died of natural causes.