I wish the wicked all that I wish for myself

I have collected resentments like stamps
On heavy packages that smack to the floor
Of the place I don’t live.
I have dirtied myself with their sticky glue
And breathed in their old man aroma
But I have paid the price of keeping them
Tucked away for weak moments
When I don’t want to look at myself.

I have shouted at the telly
Watching Peter Morrison joke
with Lady Thatcher on a joy-ride
‘You sick fucking cunt’
And imagined my pistol at his head
Squeezing the trigger
Watching the blood spew from his mouth
As I bathe in hatred and anger.

I have used drink and drugs to stop the thoughts
Of how the famous and religious abuse their power
Young children taken from care homes on a pass
A hiding to nothing but pain and longing
Told they’d be killed if they said anything
To stop the cries that would never be heard.

I have allowed these resentments to pollute me
The politicians, bankers and lawyers
Ruining lives to purge themselves of feeling
And only now am I desperate enough
To forgive them with all my heart.

Only now do I see
It’s been killing me for a very long time.

Life’s a selfish program
And I have been dead to myself for too long
Enraged by the wicked
Poisoned as they spread their wings
Smiling unhinged
Unchallenged for their reckless ways
Protected by a careless state
Too lazy to care.

I now know that the only way to relieve myself
Of all my resentment is to look at my part.

I watched them
I read about them
I heckled them
I wanted to kill them
But only now do I know
That these people are sick
That they knew no better.

These are the people who exist
to uncover my better nature.

These are the people who no one cares for
The people who need to be prayed for the most
Because if prayer works
And I know it does
My prayer will be infinitely more useful
Than their imprisonment
In my mind and their shackles.

I wish them all that I wish for myself.